Part 6: Marriage

Welcome back. We're studying theology of man. We're asking the basic questions of what is a human being? Being made in the image of God was a significant answer we saw in Genesis. And then, what does it mean to be male and female? Both being made in the image of God, what kinds of things are we seeing clearly in scripture that distinguish them? We saw a lot of hints in the early sections, but more so emphasis on what they have in common, Christ renewing male and female in the image of God, Christ giving them the same salvation. Now, as we're looking at the last week and this week on marriage, we're seeing those distinctions played out, especially in the roles of head and helper, husband-wife, and the way the relational, the way that affects them relationally. We looked at Ephesians 5, the clear commands. Wives, submit to your own husbands. Then husbands, love your wives. And the real important aspects of those verses are wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. And then husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. This week we're looking at 1 Peter 3. It gives us very similar commands and exhortations, but different enough for us to look at these because they complement one another very well. The first one we're going to look at in 1 Peter 3 is verse 1, Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Well, likewise leads us to ask the question, what is the context? What kind of connection is he making here? Because he's already commanded all Christians to be subject twice. So verse 13, he commands every Christian to be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution. That is speaking of governors and emperors. Now, every Christian is called to submit at some level. Every Christian is called to be subject to some authority. No one is outside of authority. So it doesn't make one inferior or superior, but the human institution of a government that God, no government exists that God has not raised up, no government can exist without God giving it power, and every government will be shut down by God. And Christians were all called to be subject. Now he's speaking of Roman emperors like Nero who burned Christians for entertainment. And so this is a daunting calling for every Christian, be subject to the kind of people who are seeking to kill you and persecute you and destroy the name of Christ. And he says, by doing good, which is the will of God, you'll put to silent the ignorance of the foolish people. Our conduct in the midst of that persecution matters for the witness of Christ. Now it's also something we need to remember. We don't be subject to every government in every way because Jesus said, you give unto Caesar what is Caesar. You do not worship the governor if that's what he demands. You pay him taxes, but you do not worship him. Every human authority has limits. Servants also were called to be subject. And here it gets a little more personal because if the servant is good or unjust, this is a gracious thing in the mind of God. Endure suffering, even if it is unjust. And he used the example of Christ, who does not open his mouth. He's a silent sufferer. And the call there is to win them with your good works. And then we see the context. All Christians will be subject in those different human institutions. And now we see another institution that actually is designed by God, marriage. And in that marriage, he addresses husbands and wives, whereas in the other two, he only addressed the Christians toward the government and the servants toward the masters. Here, he's gonna address husbands and wives. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Okay, now we look at what is the command? Be subject. What does that mean in this context? Well, I believe it's very much like submit to your own husband. It means deferring. And you defer, you trust your husband to make the right decisions because it's his responsibility in the areas where he should make those decisions. You help him make those decisions. But that means you allow him to make those decisions regarding Well, where you might move to if there's a move. What kind of major purchases you'll make as a family. What kind of changes in schedule and priorities for school activities. Those are kind of decisions that husbands should be leading in and it's their responsibility. And the wives are called to subject, be subject to their husbands in those ways. That doesn't mean be subject in a way that you allow your husband to lead you to sin because he doesn't have more authority than God who earlier in 1 Peter 1 called every Christian to be holy for God is holy. Your holy conduct is expected to God, and in those areas where God has not spoken and your husband is supposed to speak, you're to be subject to him. So we've seen a context, we've seen the command, and now we see a purpose. What is the purpose? So that even if some do not obey the word, that is your husbands who might not obey the word of God, they might not be Christians, they might be disobedient Christians, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respect and pure conduct. There's a high calling here to represent Christ to the emperor by suffering persecution. There's a high calling to be a witness to your master by suffering unjustly. There's a high calling of a wife to be subject to her husband and win him over with respectful and pure conduct. Now, just for a moment, I want to make it clear. Respectful and pure aren't conducts, isn't the conduct only of women? It's not a feminine conduct? Men should be respectful and pure? But those two things are highlighted here as a way to win your husband, your respectfulness. I believe it's tied to your being helpful. You're being called to be a helper. And here, I just want to encourage women, wives, if you want your husband to lead well, it does require your respect. No man can lead someone who does not want to be led. He needs your help to lead well. And we see here that God be respectful is a helpful way to encourage him and allow him to lead where he should be leading. We've seen the context, the command, this great purpose of evangelism, even. And even if he's a Christian who's disobedient, win him over and help him lead well with your respect and pure conduct. Well, the next one is really a significant question. What makes you beautiful? What makes you beautiful? And this is what kind of attraction are you trying to get? Peter addresses this, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. How do you pursue beauty? How are you defining beauty? Is it the adorning of the physical, where people see you and think much of you, or is it that internal growth in Christ, where only God sees? There's a phrase, coram Deo, everything before the eyes of God. He sees our actions, but he also sees the heart. And Peter is calling wives and women to that higher calling, not to be attractive physically and let that be your preoccupation in how you identify yourself as beautiful or not, but let it be according to what God sees, what is precious in His sight. It's imperishable beauty. Over and over again, he's used that word. We have an imperishable inheritance. Here we see an imperishable beauty is gained with a gentle and quiet spirit. Now, one of the things I've really wrestled with is what kinds of characteristics can we say are feminine? If you think about what it means to be a female and what is feminine, what kind of characteristics? And is gentle and quiet here feminine in a way that would be characteristic? I think we have to say no. And here's why. When we look at Galatians, Paul lists gentle as a fruit of the Spirit. Wisdom from above is gentle. An elder is called to be gentle, and only men are elders, and we'll look at that in the next section. Gentle is part of being growing up in Christ. Jesus himself is gentle. Now, so it's not a feminine characteristic over against, you know, men can't be gentle. No, it seems to be a way in which we all grow up in Christ. Okay, what about quiet? Now, that one has something else to it because women are told they're not supposed to teach. And then Paul even says, be quiet in church. We'll look at those passages in a little while. But quiet may be something here, but quiet is something in your spirit, it's an internal quietness. I believe he's speaking of a calmness, a contentment, a stillness of the soul. It's not your conduct that's quiet, it's your soul that's quiet. And so there's a wonderful calm power that a woman can have because her identity is in Christ. One of the most difficult things is to find your identity in how you look. or even your identity and how you're treated by your husband, our identity needs to be in Christ and seeking what only God sees, what is precious in His sight. And here, these aren't uniquely feminine qualities, but they're highlighted as things that wives should seek to cultivate. And so these things are highlighted for wives, especially, seeking to be subject as things to focus in their discipleship. We see here, he gives a grounding. What is the reason? Verse five. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands. Again, we see there, the subject submitting, same idea, and the emphasis, their own husbands, the holy women of God. There's a long history. And it goes back to Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Now here we see that title. We don't know if we want to promote this as much as we want to think about what does it mean to adorn physically today, but I think what we take from that in Sarah called him Lord is that what he heard her say about him and to others about him and to him was respectful. There's a powerful respect in the way that she postured herself and used her words to communicate respect and submission. The last statement here is very helpful as we think about this. I think this is just a precious pastoral moment that Peter gives us and that he's recognizing that what he has just said is frightening. The call to subject yourself and submit yourself to a sinner. Someone who may not obey the word of God. Someone who may take advantage of you. Someone who may seek to abuse you. And here's where I want to be very sensitive and I want to be very clear. Wives, you are not called to be subject to your husband in every way. Physical, emotional, verbal abuse is out of line. If your husband is destroying you and that is tearing you down in a way that you're not being built up in Christ but constantly questioning yourself and your value, that's a destructive relationship. And there's a few things you need to consider doing. And this is help for all of us as we think about this as a church. Wives, if there's abuse and you're in danger, report to the police. I realize that's weighty, but if you're in real danger, you report to the police. Unlike the time of Peter, today the police will be on your side. Peter couldn't say that because the governing officials gave husbands the right to actually abuse their wives. But today, praise God, in America at least, husbands can't do that. So report to the police. But that's not all. You need to seek restoration in a church. That's personal restoration of your own soul and your own value to find the dignity of Christ. Lord willing, restoration of a relationship as elders and church members come alongside of you in restoring who you are and who He is in Christ and the marriage, Lord willing. But the hard part here is a lot of women are gonna feel vulnerable and scared. This is why every marriage needs a church and every church needs healthy marriages. You need to be known. If you're isolated, you're in great danger. Fellow church members, we need to be watching and be aware that abuse can be happening that we don't see, and we need to be watching for it so that we might need to report a fellow church member if there's abuse. We also need to be really focused, church, on being the kind of healthy church that restores and welcomes somebody in this situation. One of the great problems for churches in the past is if somebody came and there was a victim and there was an offender, they would tell the victim, forgive, and just kind of leave it at that, and then spend all their time trying to fix the offender or whatever problem they have, whether it be anger or lust. That's wrong. And we need to be a church that spends equal amount of time helping both, because forgiveness is difficult. Restoration and being a victim is difficult. So we need to be a church that's going to welcome somebody who comes in and says, I'm hurting because of the hurt received, and help them know how to forgive, but also help them know how to be restored in every way in Christ. So we need to be careful of that kind of flippant, just forgive, and we're going to go fix this other problem. No, the goal is to restore everybody in Christ by His grace. So if you're in a difficult situation, if you're in what you might be fearful of, an abusive situation, hear what he says. Do not fear what's frightening. You might look at your husband and say, that's frightening to think I've got to be subject to him. Well, your God is greater than your husband. You're ultimately not fearing because of reverence for the God who can take down an emperor and can take down an empire and can take down a master and can correct and will be the ultimate judge of your husband. So there we see Peter really feeling the weight of what he's commanding. Be subject. He's recognizing, it's frightening, but don't be afraid. God is with you, God is for you. We hope that our church is with you and for you and that there's opportunity for correction and restoration. I wish I could say more, but we can't say everything. There will be Q&As later, so I would love to have questions about that. I want to get to what he speaks to the husbands here. And again, unlike the other relationships of institutions, he speaks to both parties here, husbands and wives. Verse seven, likewise, context, he's giving an instruction for now the other party here. And there's two commands and there's two reasons. There's two whats and two whys. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor. Okay, so there's two big statements there. Living with your wives in an understanding way, it's very helpful. Husbands, realize your wife might be terrified of subjecting herself to you. Live in a reasonable way and an understandable way that that is a daunting task and you have a great responsibility to live with her so that she isn't afraid of the submission. Be understanding of the complication of the relationship. Be understanding of your role in protecting her and loving her and watching her and keeping her. You're responsible. The next one is even more significant in terms of how it heightens. The second thing husbands are committed to do, show honor to the woman as a wicker vessel. Honor her. That means lifting her up. That means building her up. That means helping her grow up into Christ more. You are to honor her, which means you protect her. And then it says she has the weaker vessel. Now there's a lot of interpretations of what it means that women are weaker vessels. Some have said that they're weaker emotionally or intellectually or physically. There probably is something to the weaker physically in general, but I don't believe that's what he's actually getting at here. That doesn't actually help us understand the text at all. I believe they're weaker relationally because they're called to be subject. They're in a more vulnerable position in the relationship. And that's why husbands should be reasonable. That's why husbands should seek to honor them and raise them up and bless them. It's not because they're more fragile. It's not because they're more emotional. It isn't because they're less intelligent. Those things just aren't true. I believe it's because they're actually more vulnerable in the relationship. This is why husbands should be reasonable, understanding, and showing honor. Now, the reason for obeying these commandments are significant. Let's look at the first one. This goes back to that Galatians 3 passage. There's neither male nor female in Christ Jesus. In Christ Jesus, your wife is a child of God, equal in inheritance, equal in dignity, equal in value, equal in worth. Beloved as much as you are, they're co-heirs of that imperishable inheritance. They're equals. And so this is one of the reasons you live their understanding way. and you show honor. Christ has restored her in the same way He's restored you. And then another reason, so that your prayers may not be hindered. That's really a warning, isn't it? There's a warning. The picture here is God the Father has called both of you, your elect exiles. And then he puts you together after purchasing both of you with the precious blood of Christ, and he puts you together, and what he's done, husband, is say, you're responsible for this part of the bride. You're responsible for this daughter of mine. And you need to be understanding. You need to honor her. And as we said earlier, one of the great ways in which the analogy of Christ and the church and husband and wife break down is we don't know everything. So one of the most helpful ways you can be understanding is to listen to your wife, to seek to make decisions that have her in mind for her good, building her up in Christ. Because the warning, the consequence, your prayers won't be hindered. The picture there is God the Father who's invited you in Christ to know Him as Father and pray to Him as Father. It sounds like He's going to stop listening if you don't take care of His daughter. What a significant consequence. Your relationship with God will be hindered if you do not take care of his daughter. That's how important this calling is and responsibility is to be the head who loves her, honors her, and is reasonable with her. So those are the commands, the reasons, they're fleshing out, and we see a powerful pastoral reflection from Peter here that I think complements well with what Paul has said. As we conclude, I want to just kind of draw out another chart. We had been looking at what they had in common. being made in the image of God, what they have distinction, you know, there's order in creation, there's how they were created. I want to do a different chart now, and I'm going to write it out. And what we're going to see is the three headings are created, how we were created, what is the consequence of the fall, so created and then fallen, and then restored. That is restored in Christ. We see that the image of God is how He created us. The image of God is how He created us. In the fall, that image is marred by sin, which has a number of ways in which it has effects. One of them is that we're now just idolaters. We don't worship God. We worship everything else. And in Christ, that image is restored to grow up. in Christ for true worship. Another list we could do here is that in the created order, we were near to God. We were with God. He designed us for a relationship. Well, fallen, there's distance. That's what we see throughout the Old Testament. There's distance with God. He is holy. We are sinners. Well, the restored relationship shows us that Christ, providing that once-for-all sacrifice, draws us near. And now we can enter boldly. Now, if you look at the specifics of gender, that's just true of all human beings, what we just listed there. But what's specific of husbands in the created order? Well, they were in the position of head. They were given the call to work and The following consequence of man is that now he will rule, which is the opposite of keeping. Well, what happens when he's restored in Christ? Well, he's restored to be the head, but the head who loves, and the head who honors, and the head who is reasonable. Well, for wives, they're given the title of helper in the created order. And then the following condition is that they will desire to overthrow their husband. But then in Christ, they're called to submit, respect. We see here just the clarity of God's word and that a helper is helpful when there's respectful submission. A husband fulfilling his calling when he's loving and honoring. And it's a beautiful picture of marriage that we thrive for to build up as a church and we thrive for in our commitment to Christ.