Marriage, Divorce and God's Calling

Well, the grass is always greener on the other side. Last week, as we looked at this text, I said a word to those who are single and wish they were married. And today, as we continue looking at this text, I will have a word to those who are married and wish they were single. And when we come to this topic, I think the first thing that usually pops into our minds is the issue of contentment. In fact, as I've discussed this morning's text with others, more than one person has brought up contentment. And I even considered using that word as I thought about sermon titles. But then as I studied the text, I began to see that the issue of contentment is not really the focus here at all. I think the closest thing Paul really says about it is to slaves in verse 21 where he says that they shouldn't be concerned about that. But what Paul does talk about repeatedly here is the issue of God's calling. Notice verse 15. God has called you to peace. Verse 17, only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. Verse 18, was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. Verse 20, each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Verse 21, were you a bondservant when called? Verse 22, for he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise, he who is free when called is a bondservant of Christ. And then finally, verse 24, so brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. So nine times in these verses, Paul uses the term call or called. And several refer to God's calling us to salvation in Christ. And the others refer to God's calling us to some particular life station. And in light of that, I think it's clear that this passage isn't first about finding contentment for our lives, but faithfulness to God's calling on our lives. Faithfulness to the God who's called us out of sin and darkness and into his own glory and excellence in Jesus Christ. And so as we come to this text this morning, we need to first remember that our lives aren't ultimately about us, but about God. As Paul reminds us in verse 23, you were bought with a price. You are not your own. The question is how in the life that the Lord has assigned to us, as verse 17 says, we can be faithful to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Now, before we dive into our passage this morning, let me review again where we've been. In chapters 1 through 6 of this book, 1 Corinthians, Paul responds to various reports he's heard about what's going on in the Corinthian church. And so in chapters 1 through 4, he deals with the issue of disunity in the church. In chapter 5, he deals with the issue of a man who is sleeping with his stepmother. In chapter 6, he deals with the issue of lawsuits within the church. And then also in chapter 6, he deals with the issue of church members who are actually going to prostitutes. And now in verse seven and following, or in chapter seven and following, Paul begins responding to various other issues that are raised by a letter that he's received from the Corinthians. And the first of these issues is the assertion by the Corinthians quoted in verse one that it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. So in contrast with sort of the sexually permissive in the church, there seems to be this other group that is much more sexually restrictive and even ascetic. And by this, what they're really doing is they're encouraging people either to remain single or to become single by dissolving their marriages or else simply to practice abstinence within marriage. And last week, we saw the first portion of Paul's response to this statement by the Corinthians in verses two through nine, where Paul basically says, well, that's wrong if you're married. It is not good for married people to abstain from sexual relations. In fact, it is good for them to have sex. But then he adds, but singleness is good. In fact, Paul says, I wish all were single like me. He sees advantages to remaining single and a legitimate place for single Christians. However, Paul quickly qualifies that by saying, but singleness is not for everyone. Because each has his own gift from God. and it is better to marry than to burn with passion. So Paul encourages singles to remain single if they can, but he clarifies that some should marry. And now today, we're gonna see how Paul continues his response by addressing those who are already married. And the underlying question is, well, if singleness is so good, should married people try to become single? And first, this point one, we see in verses 10 and 11 that Christian couples should stay married. Christian couples should stay married. Paul writes to the married, I give this charge, not I, but the Lord, the wife should not separate from her husband. But if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And the husband should not divorce his wife. Now Paul's here addressing marriages where both spouses are believers. That becomes clear if you look ahead to verse 12 when he speaks of the rest and then explains that he's referring to Christians who are married to an unbelieving spouse there. But here he's addressing Christian couples and the clear point is that they should stay married. They should not think singleness is good and sex is bad, so we should separate in order to be better Christians. Nor should they look at all the benefits of singleness that Paul later mentions in verses 32 through 34 and think, oh, I could be so much more devoted to the Lord if I didn't have to worry about pleasing my husband or providing for my wife. Maybe the best way to serve God is if I were single. No. Paul says, if you're already married, God's will for you is clear, stay married. In fact, he says, not I, but the Lord commands this. And what Paul's doing there is appealing to a direct command from Jesus during his earthly ministry. And I think he means to remind the Corinthians of specific teaching by Jesus that they had previously heard. Even before the Gospels were written as we have them, the apostles were sharing Jesus' teaching with the early church. And the Gospels themselves record Jesus' teaching concerning divorce in four places. Matthew 5, Matthew 19, Mark 10, and Luke 16. And specifically in Matthew 19 and Mark 10, Jesus addresses first marriage by quoting Genesis 2.24 as the foundation of it, which says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And then Jesus concludes, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So according to Jesus, from the beginning, Marriage was designed and intended by God to be a lifelong one flesh union. And therefore divorce is only ever a tragic end to a relationship intended otherwise. And I think that's exactly what Paul has in mind here when he says the wife should not separate from her husband. He's saying, you've already heard Jesus teaching on this situation. Jesus said, don't separate what God has joined. Now some have made much of the fact that Paul uses the word separate when speaking of the wife leaving the husband, and then divorce of the husband leaving the wife. Because of course in our day we have a special category for separated that's distinct from divorced. But that was not the case in the first century. The Greek words translated separate and divorce here both mean the same thing. Paul is just using synonyms. Now another thing to notice is that after telling the wife not to separate from her husband, Paul gives her further instruction in case she does. She should either remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. Now this is a little odd for two reasons. First, you might wonder why he says this to the wives but not the husbands. And second, it's odd because Paul doesn't usually give a command and then follow it up with further commands to account for someone who's refusing to obey the first one. He never says, forgive one another, but if you won't. Or don't steal from one another, but if you decide to live the life of a thief, You know, so why is there this added parenthesis here? Well, first, it's important to remember that Paul's not writing a treatise on marriage and divorce here that lays out systematic rules for every situation. He's responding pastorally to a particular situation in Corinth, and he's doing so as concisely as possible. So we should not read into this things like, well, Paul says this to women, but not to men, so there must be some special rule concerning remarriage for women that doesn't apply to men. No, that is bad reasoning. In fact, I think it's much more likely that Paul thinks it's obvious that this would apply to men equally, and he's just being concise. But further, remember that Paul's addressing a particular situation. And I think it's very likely that some of the Corinthians, specifically women, have already divorced their spouses. They've already disobeyed the first thing Paul is saying, so he feels like he needs to say something to address that situation. And probably, given that he just referenced Jesus' command not to divorce, Paul now has in mind Jesus' warning when he gave that command about adultery for those who not only divorce, but then remarry. Because in Matthew 19, if you flip back, it was the scripture reading this morning. In Matthew 19, after saying, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate, Jesus continues. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. So according to Jesus, illegitimate divorce followed by remarriage is adulterous. And Paul is here warning these Corinthians who've already wrongly divorced their husbands, don't add the sin of adultery to the sin of divorce. Either stay unmarried or else be reconciled to your husband. Now for us, of course, all this raises the question of whether a Christian can ever justifiably seek a divorce. And can a divorced Christian remarry? Well, there's far more to say about that than we will be able to touch on in this sermon. So let me start by just recommending two resources that you can look into later to study this further. The first is a sermon by Kevin DeYoung called A Sermon on Divorce and Remarriage. And then the second is a paper by Andy Neselli from 2019 called Divorce and Remarriage. And we'll plan to send a link to these in the weekly this week. But for now, let me just say that I do not think Paul intends to forbid divorce in all cases. As I've already said, I think Paul has Jesus' words in Matthew 19 in mind as he writes this. And it's important to note that in Matthew 19 verse nine, there is an exception clause. Jesus says, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. Now there's a lot we could get into there, but at the end of the day, I do think Jesus acknowledges a place for justifiable divorce. And though divorce is never no fault, and it always results from serious sin on the part of at least one of the spouses, this is a sin-sick world. And there can come a point when one spouse has so egregiously violated the marriage covenant that the other spouse may, not must, legitimately divorce them. And if Jesus allows an exception in Matthew 19, and that's what Paul has in mind here, then implicitly the exception is still in view. Paul just doesn't feel the need to mention it because again, he's responding to a particular situation in which spouses are divorcing in order to pursue some ascetic ideal, not for legitimate reasons. And what then of remarriage? And by remarriage here, I mean marrying another person prior to the death of your former spouse. Well, again, this essentially comes back to the exception clause in Matthew 19. Because if Jesus allows for legitimate divorce, then, at least most would agree, both he and Paul allow for legitimate remarriage. You see, in the ancient world, both Jewish and Greco-Roman, divorce was always assumed to include the right to remarry. In fact, divorce was often defined that way. For example, the key language in Jewish divorce certificates was, you are free to marry any man. That's part of what it meant to be divorced. As one rabbi put it, let this be from me thy writ of divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation that thou mayest marry whatsoever man thou wilt. Right, so if divorce is assumed to imply freedom to remarry, then any exception allowing for legitimate divorce would automatically imply the freedom to also remarry. But Jesus' warning, and I think what Paul's alluding to here, is that those who wrongly divorce, breaking their marriage covenant, and then, without repentance, without seeking reconciliation, without doing anything to set right the marriage covenant that they've broken, turn around and enter into a new marriage covenant with someone else, that act is adulterous. It's like a final culminating act of covenantal unfaithfulness against their former spouse. And so friends, the stakes here are high. While I don't think scripture outright forbids any and all divorce and remarriage, it clearly gives strong warnings concerning both. And we must not pursue either lightly. And if you're here today, and you're in a situation where you think divorce might be justifiable, or you're contemplating remarriage, well, let me just encourage you that whatever you do, don't make that decision alone. This is one of the most emotionally charged decisions you could ever make. And so how easily our judgment can be clouded. So friends, seek out godly, mature people who can both know you and your situation and also give you clear counsel from God's word. By the way, this is another reason why being a member of a church with fellow believers that really know you is so important. And then after you seek that counsel, have the humility to listen. Friend, you don't want your will for your life. You want God's. So listen to his word and listen to the people God has put in your life to help counsel you and lead you through that. Now, before we move on, it's also important that we recognize that the real point of these verses isn't when can I divorce and what about remarriage? It's stay Married. And friend, maybe you're here today and your marriage is struggling and you just really wish you were single. Maybe your husband isn't the spiritual leader that you want him to be. Maybe your wife nags you and drives you crazy. Maybe your husband isn't gentle or understanding enough. Or your wife just doesn't show you much affection or respect. Well, God's word to you this morning is fight for your marriage. It's not just don't divorce and maybe hope one day like they'll be the one to divorce you. No, God sees your heart. The point is God's will for your life is for you to be faithful to the marriage covenant that he has called you to. And friend, the beauty is there is no mystery about God's will here. You can know without a doubt that it pleases God when you strive toward marital faithfulness, irrespective of your spouse's response. And friend, know that in God's providence, you are already married to exactly the person God has for you. There is no one else on the face of the earth that God would rather you care for and invest in and love. And as a fellow believer, your spouse is a child of God, especially beloved of the Father, one for whom Christ died. And in love for him, he is calling you to faithfully stand by them. And the two of you together as a Christian couple, you are called to show the faithfulness to one another that would reflect the greatness and the glory of God's faithfulness to you. You're called to love one another in a way that would reflect the love of Christ for you. You're called to forgive and reconcile with one another just as Christ forgave you and now calls you to be ambassadors of reconciliation to a lost and dying world. And you're called to cherish and remain with one another and to strive for your relationship to be a living picture. of that greater and eternal marriage between Christ and his bride, the church. And friends, that is why Christian couples should stay married. Now, number two, Paul says Christians married to non-Christians should stay married. So Christian couples should stay married, and Christians who are married to non-Christians should stay married, and this is verses 12 through 16. Now to be clear, this is not saying that Christians should marry non-Christians. Paul will later clarify, you should not do that. But if you're already married to one, then you should stay married. And that was probably not an uncommon situation in the Corinthian church. Remember, most of the Corinthians would have been converted as adults and probably already married. And although we read of many household baptisms in Acts, that certainly wasn't always the case. Probably many times, just like today, one spouse would believe, but the other wouldn't. And so it would be natural to be asking, what should we do in that case? Now, if you had only the Old Testament to go on, you might conclude that the believer should separate. I mean, just think about the way that Israel was constantly warned. that they should not have foreign wives, because those foreign wives would turn their hearts away from Yahweh to foreign gods. And then in Ezra's day, when they had done that, Ezra actually says, you are to separate from these foreign women, you are to divorce, and that happened on a widespread scale. So you might think, well, Christians today should do the same. Or another reason would be throughout the Old Testament law, there's this principle that the holy must not touch the unclean. Because if the holy touches the unclean, holiness is not transferred to the unclean thing, but uncleanness is transferred to the holy. And that's why God's people were to be separate from anything unclean. And in fact, I think that principle is really in the background of what Paul was saying in chapter six of 1 Corinthians when he's talking about why it is so wrong to be with a prostitute. He's saying your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. And so you can imagine how Corinthians are sort of thinking, well, if I'm supposed to be holy and the Spirit is in me and my spouse is not even a Christian, should I come together in sexual union with that person? Should I stay married to that person? Well, notice how Paul addresses this situation. Verse 12, he says, to the rest I say, I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. Now when Paul says here, to the rest I say, I, not the Lord, he is not in any way lessening the authority of what he's about to say. He's not saying verses 10 and 11, well that's a command from Jesus, but verses 12 through 16 is just my opinion. No, he is still writing as an apostle under the inspiration of the Spirit, and this is the very word of God. But what he's doing is simply clarifying for the Corinthians that he's not referencing some prior teaching of Jesus that he expects them to remember. You know, Jesus had specifically addressed divorce and remarriage in the context of the Jewish community. And Paul seems to view that as directly applicable to married believers. But Jesus did not address divorce and remarriage in a case like this, where only one spouse is in the covenant community. So Paul's saying now I as an apostle am addressing this new situation based on my own apostolic authority and insight. And I think that's why here, unlike before, Paul actually includes a rationale for his answer. And we see that what Paul's answer is, is that if the unbeliever is willing to stay in the marriage, the believer should stay married. Now we can imagine why the unbeliever might not be willing to do that. I mean, just imagine if your spouse went off and heard some preacher and comes back, this weird, radical follower of a new religion called Christianity, you know, and just, they're completely changed. I mean, you married one person. This person comes back. They have a whole new life commitment. A whole new philosophy and view of life. Whole new ethical standards. Whole, I mean, there's a new person. And here you are trying to go this way, following the world like you always have, and now they are trying to go that way, following Christ. And friends, that's why marriages between a believer and an unbeliever, unless the believer's compromising in some way, they will inevitably and inherently have tension. You're not going the same direction in life. And I think that's why Paul says in verse 15, if the unbeliever separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. Right, as we've already seen, the language of Jewish divorce certificates said you are liberated and free to marry whoever you wish. So I think Paul's saying that if the unbeliever divorces the believer or abandons the relationship, Well, the believer is free to divorce and remarry. They are no longer bound to go on fighting for the marriage indefinitely. God has called them to peace. But perhaps more surprising is that as long as the unbeliever consents to stay, in spite of all the tension, in spite of the unbeliever being outside the covenant, in spite of all the ways it might limit a Christian to be married to an unbeliever, Paul says clearly, stay in the marriage. In other words, the Christian's commitment to the marriage must be greater than the unbelievers. And why is that? Well, Paul gives a reason in verse 14. He says, for the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife. And the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. Now, the basic principle here is that the Christian, even if you are the only Christian in your entire family, you have a sanctifying influence on your entire household, right? Rather than you being defiled by your unbelieving spouse or children, they are made holy by you. You know, this seems to remind me of that story of Jesus when this leper comes up to him. And you can imagine everybody in the crowd just fighting to get away from this unclean man. And then Jesus reaches out his hand and touches the leper, saying, I am willing, be cleansed. And of course, it's not the leper's uncleanness that transfers to Jesus, it's Jesus's cleanness that transfers to the leper. And friend, in a similar way, you as a believer are indwelt by the Holy Spirit of God. And just your presence in your family sanctifies the whole. Now, verse 16 makes clear this holiness is not equal to salvation. But I think it does make salvation especially hopeful. I think it refers to both the special mercy and forbearance that God shows the families of believers just for the believer's sake. You know, think for a minute about Sodom and Gomorrah. Isn't it amazing? God would have spared the whole city if there were just 10 righteous people there. You know, so friend, just just think about what a blessing it is just to live with a believer. The special forbearance and mercy that God shows those who are in relationship, in that same household as a believer. But further, I think this sanctifying also refers to the influence the believer has on his family. As a believer in that family, you are there to pray for them. You're there to live a life before them that reflects Christ and encourages righteousness. And especially you are there to tell them the good news of Jesus and how they can be saved from their sins. I mean, what an opportunity. And by the way, if you're here this morning and you're not a Christian, I mean, I praise God that you trudged through a snowstorm to come to church this morning. And friend, what I want you to know is that salvation is available. As Paul will go on to later say, and if you look down at verse 23, he says, you were bought with a price. And what he's telling Christians is that Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for our sins. And if you're not a Christian, that means that salvation is available to you if you will trust in Christ, available as a free gift. And friend, we pray that you would do that even today. And believers, what a reminder this is that we are to be evangelists within our families. I mean, take note of how clearly verse 16 shows us just that. There is this determination, this expectation, this hopefulness that the believer would lead their spouse to faith. And I think by implication, their children to faith, their whole family to faith. It's like you have been strategically placed there by God to be a witness to your household. And friends, that's why as hard as marriage to an unbeliever may be, stay married. It is God's calling for your life. So be faithful to it. And this brings us, thirdly and finally, to the overarching principle, which is this, Christians should remain in their calling. Christians should remain in their calling, verses 17 through 24. And this is really the concluding principle of it all. Paul has told single people, remain single. He's told married people, remain married. And now he says, as a general principle in verse 17, only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. And then he concludes in verse 24, so brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. All right, so friends, rather than trying to change our station in life, or live as though we belong to someone else's station in life, we should embrace God's calling for our lives within the station we're in. Now, it's important to clarify that Paul's not saying never seek or accept a change in life circumstances. He's already given exceptions along the way of when a single person should seek marriage, or when a married person should accept divorce. But what he means is we should be more concerned about faithfulness to God's calling in our circumstances than trying to change our circumstances. And he fleshes this out using two examples, that of circumcision and slavery. Of circumcision, Paul says in verse 18, was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Now the point is, just as neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything before God, neither does marriage or singleness. Neither one is religiously significant in the sense of conferring some preferred status before God. And so to pursue either one for that reason would be as ridiculous and even spiritually dangerous as someone trying to uncircumcise himself. You see, it's total blindness to the fact that who we are in Christ is everything, and every other distinction counts for nothing. But notice, that what Paul says does count is obeying the commandments of God. And isn't it remarkable that Paul, a Jew, basically says circumcision isn't one of God's commandments? I mean, just think about it. In the Old Testament, God most definitely commands circumcision. So the only way to make sense of what Paul says here is to recognize that God's law changed. Now God's moral standards never change, but specific commands can and did with the advent of the new covenant. And circumcision is an example of that. And friends, I think it's important to be clear about that change because otherwise people can sort of get the impression that there's some commands in the Bible that we can just sort of turn a blind eye to. And we begin to think, well, the new covenant after all is all about grace rather than obedience. So we really shouldn't be so scrupulous about obedience like those misguided Pharisees. But friends, the fact is Paul never contrasts grace with obedience. He contrasts grace with works of the law and trying to earn your salvation. but he everywhere insists that grace and obedience must go together. And the fact is we as Christians should be every bit as scrupulous to obey every one of God's commands as the Jews were to obey circumcision. The difference is we just need to actually understand rightly what God's commands for us really are. And one thing God doesn't command are changes in marital status. And that's why you shouldn't pursue either state as if it were an inherently better religious status. No, what God commands is faithfulness in our marital status. And that's why Paul says in verse 20, each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Don't be focused on changing your condition, but being faithful in it. Well, then Paul turns to a second example, that of slavery. He says in verse 21, were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. For he who is called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise, he who is free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price. Do not become bondservants of men. And friends, once again, his point is that if the status of slave and free makes no difference before God, how much less does married or single? But I think this one also has a more practical dimension to it. I mean, doesn't being a slave seriously limit your ability to serve Christ? I mean, just imagine if you have a non-Christian master and you are a slave. I mean, think about how restricting that would seem. And I do think that's why Paul says, well, if you can gain your freedom, take the opportunity. But more significantly, Even if you're a slave, even if you have a non-Christian master and in one respect your life is just completely a straitjacket, you are simultaneously a freedman of the Lord. And then Paul says, and even if you're free, you're really a slave of Christ. Because the spiritual reality is that we are all both the Lord's freedmen. He has died to redeem us from sin and grant us true freedom, and the Lord's slaves. He died to purchase us for himself that we might live for him. And not only does this obliterate the ultimate significance in terms of our status of every other distinction, but it reminds us that God is utterly sovereign over our circumstances. And that's why even if you're a slave and your life seems so restricted, you need not be concerned about it. If Christ needs you in any other capacity, he will open the door to put you there. And friend, the exact same is true for your marriage, or in your singleness, or in your difficult job, or in any other social position or station of life. You may think I could be so much more effective for serving Christ if I was just over there or over there. But friend, Christ is sovereign. He is in control and he has you where he wants you to be and you are called to faithfulness there. And that's why we need not be so concerned about changing our circumstances, but being faithful to God's calling in the circumstances we're in. As Paul reminds us in verse 23, you were bought with a price. Your life is not your own, it's Christ's. You're his servant, here to fulfill his call. And if we're gonna do that, we must not become slaves of men. And by this I think Paul means we must not be slaves to man-made axioms, like it is good for a man not to touch a woman. You know, letting those things direct and govern our lives. We must not allow ourselves to be taken captive by philosophy and empty deceit, you know, the wisdom and eloquence that so enamored the Corinthians. And we must not go chasing after status or position as if those could affect our identity, our standing before God. No, all this is nothing compared to Christ and his calling, right? So in whatever condition each was called, there, let him remain with God. And all this really brings us back to where we started. This passage isn't first about contentment, but faithfulness. It's not about fulfilling our desires, but God's calling. But, you know, that's really not all. Because we've really failed to do justice to the gospel. If we ever imply that it could be reduced to a duty without delight. You see, this passage is about the duty of Christians to stay married and stay faithful and remain in their calling, whatever that may be. But notice the very last two words, notice in verse 24. It's about remaining there with God. It's about remaining there with the one who has loved us with an everlasting love and called us into his own glory and excellence in Christ. It's about remaining there with the one who has purchased us with his own precious blood. And that is most certainly not merely our duty, but our delight. And friend, the implication of verse 24 is that wherever God has called you to be. That's also where he'll meet you. You see, true joy, true satisfaction, true contentment is found in God. And God is found wherever he has called you to be. In other words, this passage really does say something very important about contentment after all. But it's that contentment isn't found by seeking contentment. If you do that, the grass will always be greener on the other side. No, true contentment is found by seeking faithfulness to God's calling right where you are and wherever he may call you to be. May God give us grace to do so. Amen. Let's pray.