Walk in Wisdom -- Marriage

This morning we're going to be talking about relationships in general and marriage specifically. As we begin, I want to make sure we reflect upon relationships in that one of the things I find most helpful for any good relationship is having right expectations of the relationship, the person I'm in a relationship with, and also knowing what's expected of me. Having the right expectations smooths things out, it makes everything clear, and really we understand there's different roles and expectations in any relationship. To use something that's a little more kind of generic or not so central as marriage, think about a basketball team. There's different positions. There's different roles. So there's the guy who, there's a player, whenever you form a team of five, you want to make sure you know who the ball handler is, who the rebounder, who's going to play the post, who's the defender, who's the scorer. And sometimes you've got to play at a position, and it's awkward. For instance, if I ever find myself on a team when I'm supposed to be the primary scorer, we're in trouble. That's playing at a position. Today we're looking at the most important, one of the most important and intimate relationships, marriage. It's God-created, God-designed, and God-ordained as sacred. This is why He gives very clear instructions, so that we have the right expectations. His instructions are hard. They're gonna run up against our sinful tendencies. His instructions are good. He is a good and perfect God who wants us to have marriages that not only glorify Him, but bring us joy and happiness. His instructions are difficult. And praise God that His grace is sufficient. As we look to marriage, and as you heard Sarah read, especially verses 22 through 33, it's amazing how much the gospel is tied into Paul's instructions for marriage. It's amazing how much Jesus is at the forefront of every part of the instruction. And so what I want to do this morning is actually reason from the text to begin with and just meditate upon what we learn of Jesus. So look at verse 23. We see there a great declaration that Jesus is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body, which is us, the church. Secondly verse 25 Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Third verse 26 Christ sanctifies the church he presents her was in splendor. There's there's cleansing and there's washing of his word verse 29 Christ nourishes and cherishes his body the church And then finally, verse 32, he is the perfect bridegroom, the one who's been promised from the beginning. From this, let's meditate on some particular points, and let's begin there at the end. Verse 31, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and behold, and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. The first thing I want us to meditate upon is Jesus is the promised bridegroom? He's the promised bridegroom? It's amazing that Paul is telling us there's a profound mystery in Genesis 2. And if we go back, that's what Chris read earlier we go back to that passage When I read it, I honestly don't see any mystery that just jumps off the page It reads very naturally it reads smoothly if we've been to a wedding We we understand here that there's a leaving and a cleaving a new family begins in verse 24 of chapter 2 of Genesis The Paul saying there's different layers to this passage Yes, it speaks to marriage. It speaks to how God has brought two, a man and a woman, to be one flesh. But there's another layer to it. And it speaks to God's own Son. Who's going to leave God the Father to go and pursue a bride, the church, to join her to Himself in a new relationship. It speaks to the Son coming down to come after us. So we're united with Him in love. It's a profound mystery because God designed that from the very beginning. Let that encourage you. If you're a Christian, God designed before we ever sinned. Right, Genesis 2, it's still good, it's very good. God planned our salvation before we even sinned. He's powerful to know what we need before we need it. He's powerful to plan us out and execute that plan to save us. It's a beautiful declaration that He is the perfect bridegroom, and as the perfect bridegroom that's been promised, planned, and now here as the one who loves the church, The second thing we need to meditate upon is Jesus loves His church. Love is one of the most important words, and really one of the most strange words we use. I mean, think about the range of meaning that love has. We love food, kids, God, clothes, teams. We love our favorite seat, not in the front, obviously. But we use love in so many different odd ways. You know, I can say I love my home, I can love my wife, I can love you as church members, and I can be genuine and real about every one of those because they mean something different. As a member of the church and my wife, there's a different covenant kind of love that I have for each one, and I have to make that promise and keep it. See, over against that is the idea of a sentimental love. One that has just a feeling, not a promise behind it. Or an appetite love, I love to consume that thing, it makes me feel good. Or an attractive love, I want that, I fall in love. Now these are all real kinds of love, but that's not the way Jesus loves the church. Because there's nothing lovely About us in our sin while we're still sinners in rebellion. He loves us not because of us He loves us because he loves us It's his own choice Commitment The promise salvation that was planned from the very beginning it's a promise And it's a promise that does not depend upon us. It depends upon God's ability to make a promise and keep it And like every promise, it has consequences. When Jesus says, I love you, and man, he had to die for us, he had to wash us, he had to take our place under the wrath of the Father so that he could cleanse us, remove our guilt, and bring us into his love. That is the gospel declaration that you need to hear today if you're not a Christian. You know there's something off, you know there's something wrong, You know there's something more that you don't have and you're working hard to try to accomplish whatever that is or hide that problem? And let me tell you today that the problem is you're without God, but God does not want you to continue in that problem. He sent His Son to become like you in every way so that when He died for you, He could forgive you and bring you back to Himself. All you have to do is recognize your need for him and to believe that Jesus Christ died for you and rose again so that you can once again know God. The third thing we see about Jesus, he's the head of the church. Now headship is one of these concepts that gets questioned in Christianity. What does that mean, especially as it relates to the husband? But let's just focus here that Christ is the head of the church, verse 23. It's a great declaration. It means he has a role as a leader in the church, right? He doesn't submit to the church. He doesn't ask the church advice on how he should save them. We don't know what we need, but he does. He takes responsibility. So let me make sure this is very clear. The head, as Christ functions as the head, he has all authority, and he uses all of that authority to take responsibility for us. Every bit of power he has is exercised for the well-being of his church. A more common name or title is King, that I think helps inform this. If you go back to the Old Testament, the king of Israel had clear expectations. He was given great authority and he was supposed to use that authority to care for the people of God. He was supposed to protect them from enemies. He was supposed to provide them for everything they need. He was supposed to read the Lord of them regularly, leading them to God. And if you read the Old Testament, most of them failed horribly. Most of them didn't even try to do that. But then Jesus came. King of kings, the king who God had appointed to have all authority, and all that authority has been used to care for his church, giving everything he has for us. So when we think about headship, it actually should be less about authority, and it's more about taking responsibility for someone else. Jesus takes responsibility for us. And fourth, Jesus purifies us. We see this in verse 26, that he might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water on the word. He might present the church to himself with splendor. He saved us so that he can wash us and make us beautiful. There's a beautiful picture of what Christ does to his church. Now I wanna start there because these are central truths that everyone must believe. If you're single, if you're married, if you're not a Christian. These are the central truths to Christianity, that God has plenty of salvation, that Jesus is that salvation, that Jesus loves the church, he's the head of the church, and he washes us. He purifies us. As we get into the particulars of how Christians are now to obey in marriage, I want to encourage us all to be thinking about this passage in light of the gospel. So if you're not married, I don't want you to check out the rest of the time. If you're tempted to check out, just go back and meditate upon Jesus as the one who loves you in the bridegroom, and that's fine, but I don't think that's the most helpful thing. I want you to be thinking about the gospel and the church more broadly. I pray this passage on marriage Well, we'll encourage you first to go and see that Christ is the one who perfectly loves you, and no one else is going to do that. Secondly, I pray that we'll all see that marriage does not complete us. There's only one soulmate, and that's Jesus Christ. If you're not married, the person you will marry, the person you're longing for, they're not going to complete you. There's only one healer of the soul, and it's Jesus Christ. Third, I want to do some myth busting in this sermon. Marriage does not fix or resolve any sin problem. If you have a problem with sexual morality, you're going to take that into marriage. Marriage is not going to solve that. If you have a problem with discontentment, marriage is not going to solve that. You're eventually just going to realize you're stuck with that imperfect person that annoys you. Finally, I hope this will encourage you to walk alongside the brothers and sisters who are married, to know how to pray for us. If you're planning and eager to wed, I also hope this prayer helps you think about how you need to prepare yourself for who you're supposed to be. One final qualification. I hope you all realize this, but I preach a gospel that I battle to believe throughout the week, every morning, as boldly as I can. When I come to preach you, I want to preach the gospel as I know it's true, but I battle to trust that I'm not guilty. I battle to trust that Christ does save throughout the week. In the same way as I'm walking through commandments, like submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, or love your wife as Christ of the church, I come and I have to battle guilt that I'm being a hypocrite because I have to preach a very high standard of God's Word that I don't live up to. So be aware of that. If I preached the standard of Jesus, of Keith Goad, well, you all shouldn't be here. That would be unhelpful. But we're all coming together to strive together, to grow together, as we all fail miserably at these different commands, seeking the grace to not fail as much as we did before. Most of all, I hope that we will be preparing ourselves for that great Wedding feast with the Lamb. Marriage in the context of our passage. Let's look back and let's spread out before we jump into the details and the significant commands. Let's go back to chapter 4, verse 1. This is in the context of worship. The specific instructions and exhortations to wives and husbands is in the context of how you're going to walk worthy of the calling. Your marriage is an arena for worshiping Jesus Christ. It is not for your happiness primarily. No, it's for your worship. Let me be also very clear. Anyone can have a pretty wedding. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to have a pretty marriage. In the context of our passage, he's calling us to be marriages. He's calling us to be husbands and wives. We're gonna proclaim the gospel in all of its glory. I also want us to see here that it's not only just part of our worship, there's actually a household code that Paul is now jumping into. He's going to address how we live together as husbands and wives, children and parents, slaves and masters. He's applying the gospel to very specific roles so that expectations are clear for what Christians are supposed to do in these different roles. And then interestingly, he ends with this very powerful declaration. Our battle is with the principalities, with demons, and we can stand firm in the power of Christ who conquers. All right, so what is marriage? But before we do this, I want to kind of take a landscape here. I'm pretty sure the newest married couple is four months. Anybody less than four months? All right, so we're ranging from four months. Raise your hand if you've been married 35 years or more. Raise them high. All right, 35 years or more. OK, keep them up. Keep them up. Keep them up. Put it down if it's 40 or more. Keep it up if it's 40 or more. Yeah, there we go. This is why we have a plenty of elders, folks. Keep it up if it's 40 or more, all right? 45 or more? Somebody buzzed the nursery and asked Jen. 50 or more? 55 or more? 60 or more? Jim, how many? 58. Don and Sheila? 65. It's not how many years it's been, it's how many years it feels. Hale or Marie? 62. Praise God. Praise God. What is marriage? It's a commitment. It's promises. It's difficult. And as we walk through this, I'm going to encourage you, if you're getting married soon, if you're newlyweds, these are the folks you want to ask questions of. Okay, so what is marriage? Well, there's a boy and a girl. They enter into a covenant. It changes their identities, their priorities. It's a life change. The boy becomes a husband. The girl becomes a wife. And those two lives are now one flesh. One of the most powerful declarations God makes. It's a new kind of unity. They have to reorient themselves. They change everything about them. They now share their lives with each other. The most intimate of pleasures with one another. They suffer together. It's significant that marriage is God-ordained. As Chris read, he officiated the first wedding. This is why it's important for us to celebrate weddings. Important that we celebrate anniversaries. I hope as you have these anniversaries, the significant ones, you'll share them with us as a church because us as young folks, we need to hear, okay, if you just had a 50-year anniversary, that's a goal for us. That's hope for us to hear and see and understand Our passage this morning about marriage has very specific commands. And as I hear these commands, I want to give some exhortation. Husbands, as you hear the exhortation that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, I want you to have 1 Peter 3.7 in mind. First Peter 3.7 says, live with your wives in an understanding way as the weaker vessel. I believe what Peter is saying there is that they are put in a more vulnerable position because they have to submit to you. You are to be thinking, how can I be more understanding so that my wife has an easier job submitting to me? How can I make that role of submission more joyful by living in an understanding way with her? Wives, as you hear your husband and his call to love you, recognize that he's going to need your help in knowing how to love you and how to lead your home. So let's look at these specific commands. Let's go all the way to Genesis. God created man and woman in his own image. Both male and female in his image, in his likeness. Both male and female are created with the same dignity, worth, and honor. But now in the new relationship that a man and a woman enter into, there's different roles. Wives, you can see there in verse 22, submit to your husband. Verse 33. Respect your husband Husbands notice what it says to you verse 25 Husbands love your wives verse 28 husbands should love their wives verse 33 Husbands let each one of you love his wife It's a powerful repetition there gentlemen Now just like all relationships, if everyone is doing what they're supposed to do in that relationship, fulfilling their expectation, it's a joy. There's a wonderful complementary relationship being described here. If he does what he's supposed to do, then she's receiving the love she desires. If she does what she's supposed to do, then he feels respect and he's empowered to lead in the best way. And he's thinking of her constantly in every leadership decision to make sure he's loving her. It's just that easy, folks. If everybody just did what they're supposed to do. Why isn't it that easy? Because these sinful tendencies fly in the face, these commands fly in the face of our sinful tendencies. You can go back later, and if this isn't clear, please come talk to me afterwards. For women, the most basic command we see in the New Testament is to respect your husband. And if we go to Genesis 3, 16, as God is explaining the consequences of their sin, he tells the woman, your desire shall be for your husband. And that same language is used when God talks to Cain. Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you. I believe the way that's supposed to be translated for the woman or interpreted for the woman, you're going to want to overthrow your husband. So there's gonna be a natural tendency to not respect him, to not submit. And so this command is actually trying to reverse the curse in the gospel. Man is told, you're gonna rule over your wife. In the same way, God tells Cain to rule over sin. This man's simplification is actually one of two things. It's either domination or abdication. Our sinful tendency, men, is to either dominate or abdicate. We either fight back or we flee. But both of these things are lazy because they're not loving as Christ loved the church. And as we think about domestic abuse, as we think about the kinds of things that men would do in seeking to dominate their wives, and they're gross, I want to be very clear, abdication is the more common problem. Sadly, it's the more socially acceptable response. Even sadder, I think it's actually the socially expected response. Abdication is a failure to love your wife. We are called to deny these sinful tendencies. Marriage is a magnificent purifier because it points out how selfish we are. As we look back at the passage, another just important observation, If we look at the command, wives, submit to your own husbands, and the command, husbands, love your own wives, the most important operative word in both of these commands is the simple word that follows, as. As. Submit to your own husbands, not as you deem him worthy of submission, but as to the Lord. The measure of submission is your reverence for Christ, just as we saw in the previous passage. Verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. It's a wonderful way to grow in the Gospel. Husbands, love your wives not as you deem them to be lovely, or as you think of them worthy of your love, but no, the ultimate high bar Christ loved the church. We don't get to set the standard for what our submission or our love looks like. Christ has set the standard. So what does this look like? Let's begin with a woman, because that's where Paul begins. For a woman, it's a call to submit. Now last week we defined this word as a posture of prioritizing our the other person's thoughts, desires, and interests. I believe that that still works here. And we have to remember that submission really is only an active thing in the middle of a disagreement. So the woman is being commanded here in the midst of any kind of disagreement or any kind of choice or decision where the Bible doesn't clearly inform that decision. The husband is called to lead and you are called to submit. It's deferring to Him. It's showing deference, and as to the Lord, it's showing that you have a faith in Christ, that He's going to be working in your husband and in your marriage to protect you. Now, submission, this is not something really anybody wants to do. It's amazing how offensive this concept is. So the wedding, we all, well, many of us got to participate in it four months ago. I want to make sure I preach the gospel in its fullest, and when the gospel is preached in the fullest, it's usually offensive. Though what most people walked away from that wedding with was being offended that I would say, wife, you're supposed to submit to your husband. Let's just be very clear, this is a biblical prescription, and we need to be aware of that offensiveness. We also need to be aware of something, and I want to be clear The role of submission does not in any way make the woman inferior. The role of submission does not in any way make the role of woman inferior. Again, men and women, both made in the image of God, same value, same honor, same dignity. Even further, if you look at the flow of Genesis 2, Genesis 2 is written to be in praise of woman. It's a climactic ending with man finally, the first recorded words of man, praise you God, finally, a woman. Thank you. It's a dramatic chapter that ends in a very dramatic way. And here as we see, there's different roles, and these different roles reflect the gospel. The husband is called to be the head, which means he's taking responsibility for you. And the woman is called to submit. And let me be very clear, it is impossible for him to lead if someone's not willing to follow him. I also want you to see from Genesis 2 that it's very clear that he needs your help. The very first job description for a woman is to be a helper. That means he needs help. God has given you to him to help. He's given him to you to lead and to love. If we look at Genesis 2, it's very important that we recognize God ordained that marriage. He brought the two together. We have to stop wishing for something better. So wife, I want to encourage you with something. As you're called to submit, I want you to inform that with the idea that respect, submission, and helping are the three basic commands that all work together to form the way your expectations work. Think about how you can help him by deferring. Help him by letting him make decisions that he needs to make. Help him by informing those decisions. Withdrawing because he does not make the decision you wanted is not helpful. Making decisions without informing him is not helpful. Complaining about the decision he made is not helpful. God's role is for you to help, submit, and respect. And like every aspect of discipleship, it requires self-denial, carrying your cross, and following Jesus. Now, I also wanna make sure we explain and understand what it means that she submits in all things. Now as the church submits to Christ, also the wives should submit in everything to their husbands. I'll be very clear that everything doesn't mean everything. Everybody's authority has limitations except for God's. For instance, Paul just said, do not get drunk. Your husband cannot command you to do something that was just prohibited. He cannot command you to do something that's prohibited, and he can't prohibit you from doing something that's commanded in God's word. His authority does not reach that far. So here we're talking about the things that are within the framework of there's commands that he cannot command you to go against, but there's also many of their life decisions where he is called to lead. I also understand that there's a sense I'm gonna be taken advantage of. It puts me in a warm position. Again, 1 Peter 3 makes this clear. This is why our reverence for Christ leads us to submit to one another. This is why trust in Christ is necessary to really fulfill this particular command. So application. What kind of application we have here? The first thing I wanna encourage you to do is ask questions. Ask your husband questions to make sure he is best able to make the best decisions. He needs help, and approaching this is somewhat fragile, depending on your husband, but pray for him. Make sure he knows that he has the freedom to lead, and make sure that you're helping inform those decisions by asking questions and listening. One of the things that kept coming up in a marriage group that we did not too long ago was, out of wanting to be obedient to this, the young ladies kept asking, well, what if I see my husband sinning? It's very important, couples, that talking about sin is safe, that there's gonna be a proper response, that if sin is addressed from the wife to the husband, he's going to listen and take notice. But wives, there's also a warning from one of the wise ladies in the group that be on guard against trying to play the role of the Holy Spirit in changing him. There's a patience and a trust that God is the one who ultimately convicts and changes. Women, I want you to understand this as well. This is an important truth I assume is easily taken for granted, okay? Wives. What you say about and think about your husband will make all the difference in the world. What you say about him and think about him matters the most. Every man can conquer whatever he faces in the world if his home is a place of peace. If all he hears is criticism and nagging, he's gonna be tempted to advocate. Proverbs says it's better for him to live on the roof. But I want you to hear, your husband, the one thing he wants most is respect from you of all people. That's what he longs for. If you want to see your husband flourish as a leader in your home, your church, and his work, help him by proactively respecting him. One of the ways we could ask a question to evaluate this is, what do your kids hear about your husband? So sometimes I'll come home, and I'll open the door, and all the children are there. And the two older girls, they're declaring, Daddy, you're amazing. Now, there's two options. One, I got bit by a radioactive spider sometime during the day, and now I have amazing superpowers. Okay? Or two, my wife has been talking to my children all day about how amazing I am, possibly bending the truth a little bit, but still seeking to show respect. I tried to jump on the wall and climb it. I wasn't bitten by a spider. Our children's attitudes, our attitudes towards our spouses, it's reflected in our children. Women, I also want you to see Titus 2 calls older women to teach younger women how to love their husbands. It's something that needs to be taught. It's something that needs to be encouraged. It's something we need to be equipped with. There are conversations I, as an elder, cannot have with another woman. So I'm asking you. Women and other women, these are the kind of conversations that need to be taking place, because I cannot, don't want to, and should not. Please engage in these conversations on how to love husbands well. Men, now it's our turn, verse 25. I want you to see something yet again that's very emphatic. You are to love your wife, love your wife, love your wife, love your wife. Do you notice what it doesn't command you to do? This is my new finding as I started this passage probably the hundredth time. I ended up scratching my head that it doesn't say husbands lead your wives over. It's interesting. That the wife is told that he's the head so that she knows to submit to him, but the husband is not told you're the head leader. Now the command is very intentional and very repeated. Love her. Love her. Love her. You are the head. Which means you're going to be held responsible for how well you loved her. You are the head. Which means you're always responsible. It does not mean you're always right. This is what's supposed to mark a Christian leader. Love. If you want to lead her, love is the fuel for the engine. If the tank is empty, it's not going to work. Our command is honestly more daunting than the wives. Love her as Christ loved the church. Christ gave His life. He sacrificed in every way. He did not claim any right. He did not claim any power over the church. When he was being crucified, he simply gave himself up and poured himself out for her. That's the measure. Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church. This is a posture and proactive laying down of yourself. It requires sacrifice. There's not just a willing to sacrifice, there's a choosing to sacrifice. Again, you don't love her based upon how lovely you think she is. You love her based upon how much Christ loved the church. It's important that we think about this right. She's first and foremost purchased by the blood of Christ, His beloved child. He's entrusted her to you for this time to love her. We're called to be the head, which means it's a great responsibility. A few quick thoughts. One, we are never ready to love her the way Christ loved us or the way she deserves. That's why grace must abound where our sin abounds. When we fail, we apologize and we seek to point her to Christ, the true bridegroom of love. Second, you are to lead in such a way that she can joyfully submit and that is primarily by love. Third, it's all your responsibility. Whatever it is that you think it is in the home that bothers you, that she doesn't do the way you wish she'd do it, that's your responsibility. Let's go through a list. Whose responsibility is it that the laundry gets done? His or hers? His. The cooking? His. The changing the diaper? His. The whole home? Under our headship is all our responsibility. Yes, she's an amazing helper, and she does most of these things that I was ever asking her to. But the whole thing, the whole home, every bit of it, is our responsibility. The most important thing about our responsibility is her well-being, her joy, her confidence, her delight, her growth. Again, this is worth repeating, you are always responsible. That does not mean you're always right. And she is there to help you. We need help. So men, we have great responsibility to love your wife. It's a courageous love, it's a sacrificial love. And one of the things that I've realized that I don't realize enough, most likely, I need my wife's help to actually fulfill this command. In order to love her, I actually need to listen to what she's saying. So when I hear her, and I actually am listening, I hear her say, she needs more time face to face. She needs more direct attention with less TV and less computer. There's more attention towards the children specifically. There's more time and prayer and Bible. These are the things that my wife needs. I do well to listen so that I know how to love her well. We also need to realize as much as we need respect, she needs safety. One of the key things we know from Scripture is that a man's role is to provide and to protect. She needs to have that security. So the main thing we've looked at so far is this command to love your wives as Christ loved the church, but I also want you to see something in verse 28 through 30. In the middle of this, he has a different argument. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself. For never hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ did the church, because we are members of his body. He seems to be appealing here, not just as Christ is the measure of the church, but if we're not loving our wives, if we're not providing and protecting for them, it's a counterproductive action. To love her and promoting her well-being, it's good for us. Because if she's flourishing, we're flourishing as her husband. Application for us men. We need to listen. We need to listen first to God. Because the only way we're going to fulfill this very high calling is that We will learn to imitate Christ by growing to be more like Christ. Yeah, you'll never do it perfectly. But you should be getting better. We're part of the church that's being purified. We're supposed to constantly be practicing in such a way that we're getting better. denying ourselves, carrying our cross, and following Jesus. And that means we're loving our wives more and more. This requires confessing sin, repenting of sin, and following Jesus. So I ask you husbands, what are we practicing? What are we getting better at? You know what's amazing about love is no one ever does this kind of love naturally. It has to be an intentional, volitional choice. Another application for us men, pray. Not just for ourselves that we would grow, but pray for our wives. That's the most powerful way in which we can invest in them. Pray. Third, listen. If you're making choices about listening to your wife, you're not doing so in a loving way. God has designed her with great insight. It's most likely she has different spiritual maturity than you, and she has different insight than you, and it's very important that we would listen to the one that God has given us to help when making decisions. It's a way of showing her we love her, and it's a way of showing God we honor the gift. Fourth, be watchful. Look for ways to give to her. Be watchful and aware of the ways in which you can love her. As we conclude, I wanna walk through a few dangers regarding marriage. First, husbands and wives, be aware that there is a real danger your marriage is under fire. Satan hates God and he hates his institutions. If there is a healthy church or a healthy marriage, he's going to come after it. We are called to stand firm. Be aware your marriage is under fire. Second, there is a danger of not leaving and cleaving with parents. This is a classic problem. Still letting mom or dad have too much influence. Yes, you are called to honor them, but that cannot come over against your call to love your wife or your call to submit to your husbands. You reorient the way you honor them in priority. Third, and I think this is more of a common danger, make sure you have proper boundaries with your children. Children and the way we can over-prioritize them can be a great danger to our marriage. You should be seeking to foster the kind of marriage that grows and is in light of your children. A home that's sweet with respect and love. But if living in the same house with your husband without your kids terrifies you, there's a real problem. One of the greatest temptations is to prioritize the kids. That puts an undue, unhealthy expectation on the children. It leaves your husband, and husbands can do this as well. Let me be very clear, if you're not prioritizing, showing attention to your spouse, so that each night there's some regular, regularly, you're too tired to be with one another, you're doing it wrong. You're not loving your spouse or your children in a proper way. Fourth. don't think dates make for healthy marriages. Realize marriage is one of the routines. Again, I love myth busting. There's a myth out there that the more you date, the greater your marriage is. No, dating is a pretty new idea. Paul is not thinking love each other or love your wife by taking more dates. No, marriage is one of the routine. The day-to-day, hour-by-hour, the way you prioritize each particular thing, it's not about date, it's about routine. The regular love, the regular respect. Finally, one of the greatest dangers in any relationship, but especially a marriage, is having unbiblical expectations. Sam and I have been repeating this because it was just beautiful. And I'm probably wording it wrong. He'll tell you what it really was later. Expectations are premeditated bitterness. He didn't shake his head no. I guess that must be it. Expectations are premeditated bitterness. If you have an expectation that is not biblical, what you're doing is just preparing yourself for bitterness. That was marriage advice that we heard recently at a retreat. We have to make sure that whatever we're expecting of our husband is actually what the Bible expects of our husband. Whatever we think we should be expecting of our wife is what the Bible expects of our wife. It's mainly just growing up in Christ. Make sure that we have a proper expectation, first and foremost, of ourselves. Husbands, love your wives. As we conclude, I want us to remember that relationships matter. First and foremost, our relationship with God must be our core identity. We go back to Ephesians 1. In Christ, you are blessed by the Father. In Christ, you're redeemed. In Christ, you're forgiven. In Christ, you're ransomed. In Christ, you're adopted. This is every Christian's primary identity. This is what matters most. And then every other relationship has to be ordered after that. Husbands love their wives, wives submit to your husbands. Children obey your parents, parents train up your children to the Lord. Slaves, obey your masters as the Lord. Masters, look at your slaves and treat them kindly. Every other relationship flows out of that first relationship, which must be full of reverence. the great gifts that God has done for us. Let's go to the Lord and praise him and thank him for all those things. Father, this was, we thank you, Father, that you have given us so many good gifts. We thank you, Father, that you have looked upon us, you saw us in our sin, you chose not to leave us but to send your Son to claim us in his love. Lord, as we wrestle with the high expectations, the counter-cultural expectations, expectations that Christians can abuse for their own power and selfishness, Lord, may we first and foremost see you are the God of love that we can trust. Let us trust you to the point that we obey you. with this radical call to love, respect. We'll pray for our marriages. We'll pray that we would be glorifying to you and be a model of Christ and his love for the church. We pray for all of us that we'll be longing for and preparing ourselves for that great wedding feast where we will see Christ face to face. In his name we pray, amen.