Marriage

servants be subject to your masters with all respect.

That word should be fear, and so should this one, for wives. And I believe that's a fear in reference to God. There's a way in which our fear, your fear of God, is what drives any submission. Verse four, the whole idea of living in the very presence of God, in the side of God. Or verse five, holy women who hope in God. That's the first and foremost description. The submitting is the how you are hoping in God. or the outwork of the hope of God. Submission doesn't declare one person is inferior to the other. The whole high calling here for anyone is that we would submit or serve someone else. One of those basic teachings of the gospel is that Christ came to serve and he calls all who follow him to be servants. Who will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven? Those who serve. This is not an inferior calling. This is the high calling of God. Okay, in our feminist world, we're terrified of the denigration and taking away the dignity of women. I really appreciate that fear and that concern, but I'm concerned that in the feminist waters that we all swim in every day, we make this word meaningless by taking away its real meaning. What if By God's design, who declared every male and every female in his image, an image bearer with dignity and worth. What if in his design, submitting is the way to dignity? If God calls us up to himself, if God calls us to be renewed as image bearers, this command must be part of that dignity and value. We studied the Gospel of Luke a few years ago. And we like Luke because it's that upside down kingdom. God takes down the proud and elevates the humble. We love that in a world that's full of power struggles and oppression and despair. We're thankful for that until it costs us. And God might take away what we think elevates us. We praise God for how he introduces a new value system until it starts costing us what we most value. As elected exiles, we are to practice God's values. And here, there is a change in value. Just like last week, we saw a change in value that suffering can be used for the glory of God. Suffering is a way of worshiping God. Here, I want to make it very clear, serving is a way to worship God. So wives, this is a command tied to worship as elect exiles. I believe that framework is absolutely essential to understanding how you might understand how submission is good and right, and it brings dignity and worth. It's fueled by reverence and fear of God. It's focused on your own husband. It has a very direct focus, and it seeks to bless with compliance. I believe the word submission here is really renewing the whole idea of what God originally designed in marriage. Remember early in Genesis 2, submission is a way of truly being the helper God designed the wife to be. The call to submit is a high calling based upon the God who has given you new life. That's the what. Now let's seek to know why. Notice there's a big purpose clause, be subject to your own husbands. Well, why?

So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Notice that purpose. It's also pretty narrow and focused. If you're married to someone who does not obey the word of God, you might win him over. Peter has really shown a pastoral desire throughout this letter. Remember last week he really focused in on the servant who was supposed to submit to a master and his attention was just drawn to the master who was unjust and harsh. So he helped that servant know how to live before God in a way that brought value and truth to that suffering. for that servant's sake, and here his purpose goes straight to the wife who lives with a man who doesn't obey the word of God. Now before we dive in here, let me just say, if a man is obeying the word of God, submitting should be joyful. If a man is seeking to order his home according to the word of God, God's rule promotes flourishing. It promotes goodness, it promotes godliness. Even in the home, where the man is seeking to lead his home and order it according to God's word, he's obeying the very word of God, that man still needs your help, ladies. Because God designed it that way. He still needs your help in bringing that order about by God's design. But Peter focuses on the wife who's married to someone who does not obey the word of that. That seems to apply. They're not a believer because if you're not obeying the word of God in any way and you're being a difficult husband, you really should lack a confidence in your salvation. The description of not obeying the word of God, well, if you love Jesus, you're going to keep his word according to Jesus. Well, here's a strategy to win him over if you are in that situation. There's a way to win someone to the way of Christ with your conduct without words. Now, this is difficult. Peter mentions this purpose because it is a painful, difficult situation. Again, to submit to a government who's a bit more distant or to a master who can be really on top of you and make life difficult, this is a wife to a husband. This relationship happens in the most intimate of homes and the most intimate relationship and most personal relationship. This is difficult. Because many wives that he's speaking to would be in despair out of a desire to submit to a godly man. There'd be a real struggle to know what it means to submit to someone who's not respectable. That's difficult. For many, they're in a vulnerable situation. Because the man is unpredictable, argumentative, possibly abusive. That's why it's important to see this is a high calling from God, who sees you, who knows you, who is the great protector. The hope of having a godly husband who orders your home in a godly way, well, the strategy is to let him see your fear of God, your pure conduct. The unbelieving husband might be won over by your faithfulness to God. Now, still under the question why, I do want to see how God's ways are so different than our ways. There's something interesting in the way Peter addresses this. The man who does not obey the word of God, well, how will they be one? Without a word. That's fun. God is telling you, the man who does not obey his word, he can be won over by you without a word, by your conduct. Again, I'm not sure this is the evangelism strategy everywhere in life, but right here in the home where he sees you, he knows you in a way that no other person knows you, and he watches you. What a witness you can be with your reverence for God and the purity of your conduct. Okay, if that's not fun for you, look at verse four. Notice it says, he will see your pure conduct of your hidden heart. That's fun. The work you're doing is inside. The work you're focused on, the adorning you're focused on, is a heart that's gentle and quiet, that reveres God and seeks purity. And the conduct that flows out from that heart, he sees. What's hidden, the why, is that if you're living with a man who is difficult, disobeying the word of God, God's calling is to submit to him even then with the hope that he would be won over to Christ. Well, now the how. The how, we're gonna go back to verse three again, because that's really where it begins. And verse three isn't a beginning of a new sentence, it's a continued thought, not letting the adorning be external. So the how, how do you submit? How do you win him over?

Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

It begins with how you adorn yourself, how you conduct yourself, how you present yourself. Okay, let's just enjoy this for a moment. I'm about to give you instruction on fashion from the pulpit. To women specifically, because God's word requires it. Insert teenage daughter sigh. Oh, sorry, that was in parentheses. I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. Peter's primary focus is that contrast. Stay focused on the contrast, not adorning the external, but adorning the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. It's important to see there's two ways to live, and both of them are led by fear. It's not if you fear, it's what or who. Out of reverence for others, out of reverence for what other people think of you, out of fear of man, are you adorning the external? Or out of reverence for God, out of fear for God, out of a love for God, are you seeking to adorn what only he sees truly, and that is your heart? What kind of adorning are you focused on? The external things he lists, braided hair, gold jewelry, the clothing that you use with fashionable sense, he's getting one of the key principles here and it's modesty. Not seeking to draw attention to yourself out of respect of others or a fear of others. Because you seek to know how God sees you. You seek his attention who always sees you. One author calls this humility in dress. That's what modesty is. The list here has less to do with how we normally talk about modesty today. The list here seems to be much more about flaunting wealth or prestige or power position because not everyone can afford to kind of be glammed up in this day. The modesty here has more to do with a flaunting of wealth, but modesty today really needs to be focused on that desexualization that we are burdened by. Some of the particulars here, with all kinds of discomfort. I don't believe this is a calling to dress like John the Baptist. Okay, let's set some boundaries. What Peter is describing is what kind of attention are you putting effort forward to attract? What kind of attention are you seeking? Is it from others or from God first and foremost? The bottom line is what fear is driving your adornment and your focus and your attention? Now, if someone were to walk away from this passage and say, all right, I'm no longer going to have braided hair, I'm no longer going to wear gold, I'm no longer going to have colorful garments, that's perfectly fine. But because of the cultural divide and what that represented then and what it represents now, and the principle at play, I don't believe that's the big takeaway. I don't believe I want to burden your conscience absolutely there. I think there actually may be some freedom in thinking about how we dress and what it means today in flaunting either power or sexuality. There's actually a danger in saying, I'm not going to do these things and not do the hard work. There's a danger in seeking to dress in a certain way without doing the real heart work. Let's see what that heart work looks like. What does it mean to adorn the hidden person? What does it mean to order your heart in a way that gives you imperishable beauty? Well, the two key words there, again, it's the spirit, your heart, your spirit, the internal person. Well, it's gentle and quiet. Gentle and quiet. Quiet has as much to do with having an inner peace and being content as it does in terms of what you're vocalizing. The two do go hand in hand. With that internal peace, you're free to keep to yourself. And that goes for anyone. The inner peace, there's something wonderfully strong and beautiful about the content person who knows who they are in light of God, who knows what God has done for them, who knows who they are in Christ. There's a confidence in God that provides this quiet spirit that seeks to only have the audience of God. Gentle. It's interesting how some have said this is kind of that classic feminine characteristic. Okay, but this is what Jesus requires of all believers. This is what Jesus requires of his elders who are men. This is how Jesus describes himself in one of the most intimate ways, gentle and lowly. Here, that is meekness or gentleness. It's a power harnessed by love, and let me be very clear, meekness is not weakness. There's a great strength in the quiet, gentle spirit of the one who's adorned her heart in the sight of God. Now, notice women of faith. The goal is to put forth your energy and your effort towards that which is imperishable and not seen directly because it's in the inner heart. Really the high calling here is to put on Christ. To put on who Christ is and what he's renewed you to be because he's given you his new life is to now live out that resurrected life. As I'm teaching this, I want to be clear, it must be taught, but it also needs to be caught. This has to be modeled. This is why we really want to establish this Titus 2 with the Sunday school class and just the way the women are relaying one another. You have to find examples, and well, because the examples are meek and modest, you really have to look for them. They're not flashy. This world has been pressing on a view of women for decades that I believe is dangerous. It's time to get into the real nitty gritty here. Think about the icons of our culture that have pressed into what we now think a woman should be. From Madonna to Britney Spears to Taylor Swift. What is being pressed in on our daughters for what a woman should sound like, how she should adorn herself, and how she should conduct herself. Those are some of the most famous female icons. There's many others like them, but they're icons of self-worship. They're icons who denigrate women. They're icons who are empowered by sexualization rather than who they are as image-bearers made and created by God with dignity and worth. Consider this, how believers avoid talking about submission and avoid it, and yet we invite these icons into our ears and eyes all day long. That ought not be so. You judge a tree by its fruits. Any of the male or female icons of the sexual revolution, have any of them had a happy, Healthy marriage. Maybe, I don't know. I'm not that much of a cultural observer. If that lifestyle is not promoting a healthy, happy marriage, why are you following it? Be careful with the lyrics you're singing into your soul. We come here together to sing to one another, to remind each other of the truths of God's great power to save. Be careful with what you're allowing to be sung into your soul. Young ladies, know who you are in Christ, seeking to build each other up in his love for you, and is declaring to you the truths of God's goodness. Dads, men, we need to be making it clear what the true beauty is of God creating a woman in his image and Christ renewing that image. Older women, what the younger ladies need are models of reverence and self-control. And that's just quoting Titus. Notice this high, high calling. To live before God's sight. That is very precious. We gotta do a little historical, cultural idea here, but in the Old Testament, women were the most distant with the Gentiles in the worship service. You get to draw near in the name of Christ. You get to come in the very presence of your God. Christ who has died for you, purchased you his own blood, risen from the grave to give you new life, ascended to the right hand of the Father, now invites you into the very presence of God. You can live quorum Deo before the very eyes of God. That's why it's a high calling. What a privilege it is and how helpful that is. If you're a wife whose husband is not obeying the word of God, you're constantly worried and fearful of what he's thinking and how if he's going to be accepting of your faithfulness. Be assured of this, if you're living for the eyes of God, God sees you. God sees you when your husband does not. Verse five. He changes direction a little bit. We're still on the same track. He gives us a whole new category here.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands.

Let's first get that declaration. Who he's talking about? The holy women who hoped in God. What made them holy? Their hope in God. Who made them holy? The first declaration is about their relation with God. Then they submitted. It's very important. We see that first relation with God leads to that submission. The holy women of God. Who hoped in God? Who trusted his promises? Who caused them to draw near? If you're afraid of the idea of submission, let me just warn you, you cannot get away from submission without getting away from God. We all are called to submit. Here, this is part of the calling. Draw closer to God. He gives us an example. Those holy women who adorned themselves thus, they submitted to their own husbands, verse six,

as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

All right, this has caused some questions. What is he referring to? It seems to be Genesis 18, 12 is the clearest reference, because that's the only reference where Sarah calls him Lord, and she's not addressing him as Lord. This is after Abraham has failed a few times. He's failed to trust God's promise. Even after being declared righteous, he failed to trust God's promise, and God keeps coming back and reminding him of the promise. And here in Genesis 18, the angels show up. Sarah is not in the tent, but she's decided to stand outside of the tent. And she overhears the angels telling Abraham, this time next year, your wife will be with child. This is God saying this long wait for me to fulfill the promise is coming to an end next year. That's the first time he's been given that time. Well, Sarah's response is she laughs. She laughs to herself and says, after I'm worn out, and my Lord, that's the reference, is old, Then shall I find favor. That appears to be a significant moment of doubt. But according to Peter's declaration, this is a moment of hope. She sees her circumstances. He's 99, she's 90. The text before us told us that the way of the woman is no longer with her. Her husband is old. They're way past childbearing ages. But here it's setting aside the circumstances that are difficult and hoping in God who has repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated his promise. There's a hope that God is good and true. Verse six, the ending, and you are her children. Abraham, the father of the faith. Sarah, his wife, woman wanting to be her daughter in the faith. You're her children, if you do good, that is obey what he has said in terms of the adornment and putting on the right conduct and seeking to win your husband over and submitting your husband. And do not fear anything that is frightening. The word fear again is reserved for God, it's phobia. Here it's very clear, do not fear anything. That is frightening. It's a different word, terror, terrorizing. Fluttering excitement. If you're a wife, in the circumstances he's talking about, that is just pastorally sweet of Peter to acknowledge it's frightening. Do you feel that? He's not saying it's not scary. The Bible never says do not fear something that's not scary. Do not fear. was truly frightening. It is frightening to think I need to submit to this man who could be abusive with the hope that the Lord would win him over through the conduct with which I'm trusting God with. There's two stories about Sarah that are really interesting in her relationship with Abraham. Twice he had her lie. Twice Abraham put her in real danger by putting her in another man's house. And hear this, God protected her. When her husband failed, God was faithful. When her husband failed, God was faithful and protected her. That's why we sing songs like A Mighty Fortress. God is faithful. He is who we fear, and putting all other terrors and frights under our reverence for him helps us not be afraid. If you're married, wives, depend on God's grace and the help from others. It's important to see in the context he's addressing elect exiles. And the whole idea here is that the church would hear this, and the church is hearing this instruction, and the church is coming alongside to help each other remember these commands, obey these commands, and help, especially in the very difficult circumstances of these demands, commands. We need help from others. This is why Titus 2 again says, older women train younger women to love their husbands and to submit to them. If you're married to a man who does not obey the word of God, you cannot do it alone. You need the help from God and you need the help from others. The help from others is especially important to remember what the call is and it's also important so that you know when abuse is taking place and you need to find help outside of your husband. That is one of the most difficult, dangerous places to be. To hear that word submit to a man who's dangerous and to think it's just submit all the time, we're gonna put the qualification on it now. Others need to be walking with you through this to know how to get you help when you're in true danger. If you're not married, what can you take away from the text? That calling in verse three is true for every believer in all places, all times. That's a specific application for how to win an unbelieving husband over, but isn't that true of all believers at all times? To put off the old self? To stop trying to live out of a fear of man and how others would perceive you with some kind of whitewashed wall religion? But to put on the hidden heart? That's true of all believers at all times? If you're desiring to be married, if you're a woman desiring to be married, What is it you're looking for in a man for when you say, I do? I wanna challenge you that it should be someone who's living in such a way that you would happily submit to the way he is already going. Say yes when you're eager to enter his home according to the way he's already living. Yes, marriage is designed to sanctify you, and it will, but do not believe that things are gonna automatically change because of marriage. My other concern is what I hear as advice, and that is young ladies, well, first find yourself and establish your career, and then find a husband. That is just bad advice. That's all the amen I got for that. That's discouraging. Marriage is not an add-on like the game of life. It's the beginning of a new kind of life. Committing to a spouse is more important than where you go to school, finishing school, getting your career started, or getting that promotion. That's true for women, and it's true for men. It's true for women. It's true for men. Men. Verse seven, the longer section was for women. That's how Peter does it, not how Paul does it. Shorter section for men, here we are.

Husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way.

That's the what? Live with your wife according to knowledge. Given all that we just heard, this is the command for the man. We're very simple creatures, so this is good, right? Live with knowledge. Live according to knowledge. Let's just think about the things we should already know. God, who is rich in mercy, has given you new life in his son. That's 1 Peter 1.3, man. God has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light to make sure that light is shining, and that light should be shining in your home. God has called you to be holy in your conduct in this exile and your home and your marriage covenant is your first priority in your holy conduct. Know that God expects you to do good to your wife and will demand an answer from you. Know that he has made promises to her, that you have made promises to her before God. Now there's a range of implications and applications we can make from this understanding idea of the, what do you know? You need to not only know the gospel and know God, you need to know what God says about the home. What your role is. What does it mean to be the head of a home? What is her role? What does it mean to submit? You need to have an understanding of this whole command of God and what he's calling the home to because you're responsible as the head. As we think about this, let me give you a first point of application. You cannot live with her according to knowledge if you don't ask her questions and listen. You first need the word of God that tells you what a home is, who you are, what she's called to, but there's no way to live with her according to real knowledge and understanding because we need her help to understand who she is and how to best care for her. There's no way to lead well without listening. God has given you a helper and you need her help. Her calling is to worship God by submitting to you. Understand that you can make that calling delightful or difficult. What this does not mean is that you abdicate out of fear, failure, or frustration. Living with her in an understanding way means, as the one she is submitting to, you're loving her, hearing her, making the hard decisions in a way that she feels understood, protected, and cared for, so that she might actually find joy in submitting to you. Husbands, to live with your wife in an understanding way is to hear the instruction I gave to her and understand how burdensome that might feel. You want her to grow up with confidence in your home. The godly man's instinct when someone is humble and serving is to lift them up. That's the what, now the how. How would you live with her in an understanding way?

Showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel.

This is getting real fun, folks. Showing honor is a way of living the understanding way with your wife who's called to submit to you, but we really got to do some work on this weaker vessel. What does that mean? The word carries with it some idea of like a beautiful but fragile vase maybe. The obvious reading and maybe the traditional reading is that men are physically stronger than women. Generally true. Interestingly, a church father, Basil of Caesarea, when preaching this verse says something I think really helpful. He just makes the observation, this is written to men in a way that women should not tell themselves I'm weak. I find that really helpful. This isn't written for you, wives, to say to yourself I'm weak. No, it's written to men to understand you have a great responsibility. You do not tell her she's weak. He then thinks about, well, what does it mean that she's weaker? And this is where it's just fun. Well, there's a woman, she has a soul and a body. Well, the woman can't be weaker because she's made in the same image of God, and she has the same reason, and she's able to know God and make him known, so it can't be applied to the soul. So he then asks, well, what about the body? He says that women can't be weaker than men with a body. Why do you think that is? His argument is that women are able to stay up later in the all-night prayer vigils. What a wonderful way to rethink bodily strength. I really thought women can handle pain so much more than men. There's a way in which they're, we're not strong in every way, but he literally says,

we all know women out pray men.

I mean, this is obvious. They don't have that as an Olympic sport, so we kind of forget that. I wrestle with Peter actually in the context means something else regarding that frightening call he just gave to the wife in that she's actually more fragile, vulnerable, weaker in the relationship. She who is submitting and lowering herself to follow you, your job in that weaker position is to honor her? What a beautiful picture. The calling of husbands is to understand her call by God to submit and his responsibility, with all the authority and responsibility God's given him, is to exalt her. The world says when someone is subordinate, you walk over them. God says you lift them up. Husbands, to honor your wife is to show her kindness, to promote her value, worth, and dignity, to protect her. The knucklehead is the one who reminds his wife that she needs to submit when he gets frustrated. That is neither honoring her or obeying God. That is neither honoring her or obeying God. We obey God when we honor her, even when she is not submitting. Get the picture of the biblical marriage God designed originally, that we've corrupted with our sin. Men and women are made equal as image bearers. They have distinct roles. The idea is they work together in a unity. The one flesh union of marriage is beautiful when the roles are fulfilled. She is submitting to her husband, who is seeking to show her honor. Or as Paul says, she submits while he loves as Christ loved. That's the beautiful picture of God. She hopes in God enough to submit to him. He fears God enough to honor her. Holy women lower themselves. Holy men lift her up. That is the picture of marriage. Husbands, you should seek to lead with care, clarity, and consistency. You're called to order your home in a way that the order comes from you. You need her help, but you're responsible. You set the patterns, you set the pace for what the home will be like so that she can joyfully know how to submit to you and help you establish the home. I want to give an example here to help make sense of this. I've been married for 22 years. I had to ask beforehand, like just an hour ago, to make sure that was right. I've never told my wife to submit to me. I've never used that exact declaration. Recently, I had come to a decision that I wanted to desire change. So we were on a walk and I began to ask her questions. Why? I need her help. I'm going to ask her questions to actually understand that I know what I think I know, and I'm going to get correct on the things I don't have right. I'm going to first ask questions. I want to know more about the thing I think I want changed in her life and in our marriage. I began to ask her questions so I understood the situation, and then I told her all the ways in which I've seen encouragement related to this particular thing. Now, the specific thing I told her I want to change after asking questions and encouraging was, I believe you need to stop doing the women's showers at church. That was a specific thing I told her. It was only after I asked questions and after I told her how much I'm encouraged to see how she's doing the Bible studies and the conferences and the classes, I'm so encouraged by this, but I think I see you getting worn out too easily. I want you to find somebody else to take that on. Thankfully, I said it clearly, I said it firmly. And she responded with thankfulness for that. You see, there's a rule for when I'm going to press in like that, and it's, there's a biblical principle, and it's for her good. If you're telling your wife to submit for your selfish reasons, you're a knucklehead. You're responsible for her. The call to lead and to love is for her good. Will there be a time where you have to say something that isn't fully in agreement? Probably. But if you're making all those decisions regularly for her good, prayerfully seeking her wisdom and how you make those decisions, you're earning the trust if you ever have to make that kind of call. See, Christ is our pattern. Christ uses all his authority for the betterment of his bride, the church. That's your pattern. He lifts her up, he lifts her up. This is what it means to honor her in the way of Christ. Why? Why? All right, you've got the command, live the understanding way. What does that mean, honoring her? Why? Well, there's two reasons why. First, There airs with you of the grace of life. Now, this goes back to chapter one, verse three, or John 3, 16. She has the same forgiveness. She has the same new life. She has the same new role and place in God's family. She's a child of God with all the same blessings you have. She is an equal heir. The beauty of the Christian gospel is that she is equal as an image bearer. If both saved, she is equal in her position in the holy nation, the chosen people of God. She's a daughter of Sarah. She has the same salvation. She's not inferior. The second reason, being equal, you honor her so that your prayers may not be hindered. That's one of the top three terrifying passages of scripture if you're a dude. Your prayers will be hindered. Jesus Christ came to die for us as sinners. He rose again to give us new life. He ascended to the right hand of the Father so that we could have the privilege and honor of calling God Father and he would always hear us. But that Father says, if you mess with my daughter, I'm gonna turn my ear away from you. That's terrifying. That shows how high God views marriage, how he who's trusted you with this woman, his daughter, to love, to care for, to provide, to protect, to honor, he'll stop hearing you. If for a Christian is to pray as breathing is for life, that is terrifying. And men, you should be afraid of what is terrifying, that if not living with the wife God has given to you, honoring her, he would turn his ear from you. I want to close with some instruction from an early church father, John Chrysostom. He gives advice to husbands. I'm not sure biblical patriarchy or Christian patriarchy is a phrase we should try to redeem, but if we're gonna use it, this is it, this is it. If you hear that phrase, you hear how horrible Christian patriarchy is in the marriage, no, this is what I want you to think of as to what is prescribed in scripture, this application from Ephesians 5. His advice to husbands.

Whenever you give your wife advice, Always begin by telling her how much you love her. Tell her that you love her more than your own life because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of you pass through this life in such a way that in the world to come, you will be united in perfect love. Show her that you value her company and prefer being at home to being out. Esteem her in the presence of your friends and children. praise and show admiration for her good acts, and if she ever does anything foolish, advise her patiently. Pray together at home and go to church, and when you come back home, let each of you ask the other the meaning of the readings and the prayers. Remind one another that nothing in life is to be feared except offending God.

If your marriage is like this,

he says,

your perfection will rival the holiest of monks.

Now that might mean not much to us, but to him, that was a big deal. He continues.

Remove from her any notions of mine and yours.

There's no two bank accounts in healthy marriage.

Finally, never call her by name alone, but with terms of endearment, honor, and love. If you honor her, she won't need honor from others. Prefer her before all others, both for her beauty, discernment, and praise her. Teach her to fear God, and all other good things will flow from this one lesson.

And then he concludes,

what sort of person do you think the children of such parents will be?

Will you pray with me? Father, we thank you for the good covenant of marriage you have given to us. to order our lives around in this world, and to help us have the hope that Christ, our true bridegroom, has purchased us and will come again and wash the church fully and bring us into that perfect love forever. While we wait, as elect exiles, help us to see this good and high calling. and that God, you are rich in mercy to help us to see your forgiveness for where we failed. You are rich in mercy to help us know how to be faithful where we've been disobedient. Help us, Lord, to trust in you. We pray for the women, the wives of the church, that they would long to be holy women who hope in you by submitting to their husbands. Pray that they would know that out of fear and reverence for you, they would desire to stir one another up in knowing what this means for your glory and their goodness. We pray for the men, the husbands of this church, that we would reflect Christ using whatever authority we think we have for the wife you've put under our care. Help us, Lord, to listen, to honor, and to love her as Christ has loved us. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.