Kindness - Ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another

Good evening. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32, that's page 978 if you're using the Pew Bible. It comes at the end of a long string of instructions from Paul and he says here in verse 32,

be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

And I have to confess to you that as I have contemplated kindness in the context of this verse for the past couple weeks, I have found myself in general to be a very unkind person and having to repent very quickly and very often for how I sometimes conduct myself. And so I would just say at the outset, what could be one benefit to being kind in the instruction of scripture, it may lead you to quick repentance. That is not part of the actual thing tonight though. But tonight we are being exhorted from this scripture to be kind to one another and amongst other things as well. And as I thought about kindness, I thought about TikTok Instagram, YouTube. There's this whole genre of shorts on these social medias now of random acts of kindness. Walk up to a stranger, give them $500, come into some downtrodden kid working to pay the bills, but they're missing the basketball game, so here's the tickets to the game, random act of kindness, or even tipping your server $1,000 for a $10 meal, random act of kindness. But I think that we see in culture today that we have a distorted view of what kindness is, because that kind of kindness is not what Paul means here in our verse tonight. And if you're taking notes, then I would say there are three things that I want to focus in on specifically. One is that kindness is rooted in God's example of forgiving you. Second, kindness is an effective medicine for the sick. And third, kindness is God-given evidence of your assurance of faith. So first of all, kindness is intimately rooted in God's example of forgiving you. And to piggyback off of how I opened this, we can say simply that this kind of kindness that Paul is talking about here is not random. This is the kind of kindness that can only seize its opportunity when you're in a position to respond to someone else's nastiness towards you. Where forgiveness may be needed, that is where we have the opportunity, brothers and sisters, to be kind to one another. Where you've received hurt, that is where you may be quick to pay it back with hurt. No, that is what the world expects you to do. The world expects you to pay back hurt with vengeance. The world expects you to find a way to balance the scales and to show this other person what they did. But for the believer, and towards one another here in this church especially, we ought to be quick to pay back kindness when we have received hurt. We don't pay back hurt in kind, but we pay it back with kindness. Luke 6.35,

for he is kind to the ungrateful and selfish.

This is the example of the Lord himself, and we have three imperatives in this specific verse, and that is to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, and these are intertwined intimately with each other, and they're grounded in the reality that is stated at the end of this verse, and that is Paul is writing to the Ephesian believers, he's writing to those who've been forgiven by God in Christ. So to be kind, to be tenderhearted, to forgive others, really is a feeble thing to do from our human standpoint. And it's hard to do if you have had not God forgive you. And I would posit to you tonight that if God has not forgiven you, then you will always find it to be a hard task to be kind to others. It will be a Sisyphean thing, it will be like rolling that rock up the hill and as soon as you take your mind off the kindness, that rock will roll back down the hill and crush you because God has not forgiven you. The forgiveness that we bestow upon others or towards one another, it's just a feeble reflection of the forgiveness that God has shown towards us as sinners, right? Holy, perfect God forgives a sinful and rebellious man. That is not the same as a sinful and rebellious man forgiving another sinful and rebellious man. It's just a poor reflection, right? And so even the kindness and the forgiveness that we can convey to other people is nothing compared to what we have in Christ that we see at the end of this scripture. And so, I think the first thing that we can learn here is that if we are to be kind, it must be intimately rooted in the fact that God has forgiven us of our sins. He didn't spare his own son so that he could forgive you. And it's true that in the perfect land of the Trinity, the father for the sake of Christ his son would do anything for his son. And friends, you have to understand that when you are in Christ, you are in union with Christ. And what is Christ's is yours. And so if God would not hold back anything from his own son, he will not hold back any of his blessings from you in Christ. And this is a wonderful and magisterial promise to us as we are people living in this world, seeking and striving to live a holy life. And at least in the context of this verse, to try to be kind to one another. When that's something that could be so hard to do, you may ask of the Lord that you would not hold back anything from your son. So Lord, would you not hold back this thing from me? Help me to be kind to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. And so with that confidence, Paul, he can exhort to believers everywhere, including us tonight, to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. So it is rooted in the fact that we are forgiven in Christ. And then two, kindness is an effective medicine for sick faith. Now notice, I didn't say it was a remedy. I'm not going to say that kindness in and of itself is a remedy if you are sick, but I am saying that it is an effective medicine for a sick faith. For the believer, certainly, and prayerfully, it can be a medicine for the unbeliever. Kindness is not currency. You don't wield it in equal measure. You were kind to me, now I will be kind to you. If I've been shown little kindness, I have no obligation to show kindness to others. That's just not how it works. And that's especially not how it works for the Christian because we have been shown the greatest kindness possible because we have had our sins forgiven by a holy God. And therefore, brothers and sisters, for the sake of the gospel message to each other, but also to the people out in the world, we're exhorted to show kindness to each other where we have an opportunity to retort, where we have an opportunity to hurt, to slander, to challenge or beat back others with the own kind words with which they may have given us ourselves. Paul is telling us be kind to one another. He's telling us if we could read this whole chapter, don't be like the Gentiles who are insistent on hurting each other, Ephesians 4.18. But we have to keep in mind here, first and foremost, that the first recipients of our kindness is us. Believers, fellow brothers and sisters, especially those of us in Jefferson Park and Covenant together. And I think that's the context of our verse here, that he wants the Ephesian believers to be kind to each other first. And so for the Jefferson Park believers, we should be kind to each other first. So that means that when the Christian on the other side of the pew has hurt you, or when the mother intentionally didn't invite your children to the birthday party, or when the sister has gossiped about you and slandered you to other people in the body, or when the brother has knowingly led you into sin that is now a thorn in your flesh. Essentially, when your fellow brother or sister does anything of any sort to hurt you, perhaps the businessman in the church cuts you out of that lucrative deal. Christ has an instruction for us. What should be our default thought? Be kind to one another. Be kind. So where does this kindness find its footing in our verse? In your tender hearted compassion towards those who have wronged you and your willingness to forgive them. But I would exhort you that you shouldn't simply be tender hearted or I might say compassionate for wrong reasons. Compassion towards the other person it doesn't have its center in the act of kindness. It is not rooted in the act even of forgiveness. Compassion has at its center the person for whom the compassion is being acted upon. To feed the poor is not because you have a delight and passion for feeding. You're feeding the poor because of the poor, because of the person. To bind the wound, you're not doing that because you love to bind the wound, you're doing it out of compassion for the person. The object of compassion, the object of your kindness is not the act in and of itself. The object of your compassion and kindness is the person for whom you are doing it for. And I would say this is the same of Christ's death on the cross. As glorious as it was, Jesus didn't die for the sake of dying. He died for the sake of reconciling God and man to the glory of God. And so we don't just benignly act in kindness. We don't benignly act in compassion for the sake of the thing, but for the sake of the person. We have to remember that when we are acting in kindness that when we have that opportunity it is for the other person. And so we have opportunity to act in kindness towards others. And your kindness towards another believer in this body could be the remedy for their sick faith. It could be the thing that God uses to lift them out of the malaise. And not only that, But your kindness towards others could be what calls them to repentance, gently. So when I thought about this, I thought, how does this apply to something big in my life, parenting, right? Can we be kind to disobedient children? And what does that look like? Is it a sharp rebuke? Is it a gentle word? Is it a nudge in the correct direction? Or is it overlooking a minor mistake? I am absolutely certain that, like me, there are parents in this room that are generally frustrated with how unkind they can be toward their children in how they correct and manage their children's animal instincts. I don't know if I have the correct answer for all of that completely, but can we be kind to our kids in our parenting so that we properly point them towards the gospel or can we be unkind in our correction towards our children so that we push them away from it. So that's a warning for us to be kind to our children. I also wonder what this means for broken relationships in the church. I'm not aware of any broken relationships in the church but I'm absolutely certain that there are some and just think about If that is the case for you, how much of a thorn in your flesh that broken relationship has been? You know, you walk down the hallway and you hang a quick left because you don't want to stare that person in the eye or say anything to them because at some point perhaps they've hurt you or perhaps you have hurt them or perhaps occasionally you wake up at three in the morning and you think about that person and you just can't go back to sleep because you wish you could mend things but you just can't. What if we applied be kind to one another in that situation? Clear the air and say with kindness, with gentleness, we're going to let things pass. And so if that's you, that's the exhortation that we have when we do the Lord's Supper, right? To go to them. And I would say in that case, be kind to them and be kind to yourself. And then third, Kindness is God-given evidence of your assurance of faith. To be tender-hearted, to be gentle, to be kind to one another, it's not something that you can simply do in your human spirit. But you can do it through the Holy Spirit. God in his very nature is good. God in his very nature is kind. And when his Holy Spirit is imparted upon you, you can be kind. Your ability to show kindness towards one another or to those who have hurt you or done wrong in general is a reflection of God's good character within your heart. And that is a good thing. And you should gain really great assurance from that fact. It's not the only assurance, but it is an assurance. And when we expand this out into the Ephesian context here, we see there's an Ephesian opponent here that's calloused in their heart. They're unable to respond in gentleness. They're unable to be kind to each other. They're unable to be nice or good towards those with whom they disagree. They can't put away their anger. They can't put away their propensity to speak about others without malice, slander, or bitterness. But if you find yourself often with a sour taste in your mouth towards others and hurling invectives towards them either vocally or within your heart, privately or privately with others, you're eroding your assurance in Christ. And you may well, and this is a warning for you, you may well be like the Ephesian opponents. And you may well have a hardness of heart. And that is, friends, a fearful thing. And I would gently exhort you to repent. I thought about this in one context. There are several men in this church that are considering ministry. And I would simply ask you, if you're considering ministry, are you a quarrelsome individual? In Ephesians, we learn that the Lord's servant must be kind and gentle even with those for whom they disagree. Have you often found yourself arguing with your elders? I can tell you that that's probably most likely not the case because your elders are trying to be gentle towards you. And so if you are a person in this congregation considering ministry, you have a command to be kind to one another. But, another application, this doesn't mean that kindness overlooks error. If part of being kind is forgiving others as Christ has forgiven us, if part of being kind is not holding things against other people, then kindness may also be seeking people out to correct error. And I think we see a very kind Paul throughout the epistles, correcting error gently, and sometimes firmly, And I dare say friends that it is a great kindness to each other that if we are in error to gently go to each other and to warn each other if we are in sin, thinking wrongly, treating each other badly, we have that obligation that we don't just overlook things because we're being kind. So I'll close with our membership covenant together, clause five.