Haunting Guilt

you are spies who have come to see the nakedness of the land.

And that would have been a terrifying accusation because it carried a death sentence. I mean, to spy out the nakedness meant to look for vulnerabilities that an invading army might exploit. And anyone convicted of that would be executed. So Joseph's brothers, of course, protest their innocence strongly. They say, oh, no, no, we've just come to buy food. We are honest men. And how ironic that men who have been perpetuating a lie for 20 years would have to appeal to their own honesty. Joseph, in this exchange, is also able to extract some important information, namely that their father is still alive, that they have two other brothers, one at home and the other whom they say is no more. But Joseph rejects their pleas of innocence and says, here's how I'll test you. One of you must go back and get your youngest brother and bring him to me while the rest of you wait in prison. Then he just immediately throws all of them in prison for three days. Can you imagine what must have been going through their minds? They have no idea how long they're going to be in there. They have no idea what's coming next. They're just disoriented by all of this. Their minds are no doubt racing at the sheer impossibility of Jacob ever sending Benjamin to them. And yet in these three days, there's also time for their minds to drift to Joseph. And they begin to think in a new way for the first time about what they had actually done to him. You see, there are some interesting parallels between what Joseph's brothers had done to him and what he now does to them. They'd accused Joseph of being a tattletale, right? Coming to them only to spy out their bad behavior and take it back to father. Well, now Joseph accuses them of being spies. They had planned to kill Joseph and held that terrifying threat over his head as they threw him into the pit. Well now, as accused spies, they have that same threat of death hanging over their heads. They cast Joseph into a pit, just as Joseph now cast them into prison. They had ignored Joseph's cries, even as he had ignored their pleas of innocence. See, Joseph quite intentionally, and God, through Joseph, is subjecting them to circumstances designed to make them realize what they had done to Joseph. Then in verse 18, Joseph comes and says,

do this and you will live for I fear God.

And what a striking thing for this Egyptian ruler to say. But if God wasn't already on their minds now, it's as if this Egyptian ruler says to them, even I fear God. Do you? And then the test. If you are honest men, Again, just twisting the knife on the word honest. Nine of you can go carry grain to your households, but one must remain. So Simeon's ultimately chosen to stay, and the other brothers prepare to set off. But notice what they say in verses 21 and 22.

Then they said to one another, in truth we are guilty concerning our brother. and that we saw the distress of his soul when he begged us and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us. Then Reuben answered them, did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? But you did not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.

And so the distress that they are experiencing makes them remember the distress that they had subjected Joseph to. They remember especially his screams, the tear on his face as he begged them, and they didn't listen. And whatever regret they had previously felt here clearly develops into guilt. You see, to regret something is to wish it hadn't happened. But you can feel that for all sorts of selfish reasons. Sin has bad consequences for us. But to feel guilty, is to accept blame. To recognize that you actually deserve punishment. Joseph's brothers admit here, we are getting what we deserve. This is our reckoning. This is the just consequences for his blood. They're actually not feeling sorry for themselves here, but really sorry for Joseph. I mean, it's as if they're siding with the judge against themselves. This is what it means to feel guilt. And as Joseph hears this, he turns away and weeps. Tears of both hope and pain at the same time. Pain as he remembers what his brothers had done and sees the distress they're now feeling. But hope, because he can see God at work in their hearts. And yet even still, Joseph doesn't reveal himself to them. He understands that this sort of grief can be superficial. It can be passing. He knows they could still slide back into indifference. This is no guarantee of lasting change. And so he moves on to the next element of his plan, which is also the third circumstance God uses to provoke conviction in the brother. So number three, they find money in their sacks. That's verses 25 through 38, they find money in their sacks. Verse 25 says that

Joseph gave orders to fill their sacks with grain and to replace every man's money in his sack and to give them provisions for the journey.

And in doing this, Joseph's probably accomplishing two goals at once. On one hand, he's trying to bless his own family. He's giving them grain for free. He's providing for their journey. You know, he's making sure they're as well taken care of as possible. But on the other hand, he returns the money secretly for a purpose. Joseph knows that them finding this money will only make them more afraid. That they'll feel powerless to resist future accusation. Perhaps also that they'll be reminded of the last time they were returned home with illicit money after they had sold Joseph as a slave. And so in verse 27, as the nine brothers are traveling back, it says,

as one of them opened his sack to give his donkey fodder at the lodging place, he saw his money in the mouth of his sack. He said to his brothers, my money has been put back. Here it is in the mouth of my sack. At this, their hearts failed them. And they turned trembling to one another saying, what is this that God has done to us?

Notice the progression here from regret to guilt and now fear. Not just fear of man, but fear of God. I mean, their hearts fail. They tremble. They say, what is this that God has done to us? Another preacher pointed out that this is the first time in the Bible that any of these brothers mention God. Joseph mentions God all over the place, but up to this point, they have given every indication of being godless men. But now, the reality of God is pressed upon their hearts and minds for perhaps the first and greatest time in their lives. No longer are they thinking of man and what man might do to them. They're brought to the realization that God is dealing with them. God is the one bringing their sin to account. God is the one exposing, convicting, and condemning them. And they tremble because it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Who can hide us from him? Who can deliver from him? Who can resist him? And friends, this is ultimately what true conviction must always lead to. A deep awareness that we have sinned against God, before God, and are accountable to God. As David prayed

against you, you only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight.

Whereas the hymn says,

it was grace that taught my heart to fear.

And notice that when God begins to deal with us, even something as seemingly benign as finding money can strike terror into our hearts. And 20 years ago, I think these brothers would have found this money and rejoiced. just as they sold their brother as a slave. I mean, they were like those who say

stolen water is sweet.

But now guilt and a fear of God has been awakened in their hearts. They see in this circumstance the providential hand of God, and they know that their sin has found them out. Like a ghost that haunts them, like a hound dog that chases them, wherever they go and whatever they do, God is there to hold them accountable. They feel it. And this brings us to the fourth and final section of the story, facing Jacob's response. So number four, facing Jacob's response. This is verses 29 through 38. And here we read that they come home. They tell Jacob everything. Then they also open up the rest of their sacks only to find the rest of the money and become even more afraid. And then Jacob responds to all this by blaming them. for what's happened, and refusing to send Benjamin. He says, verse 36,

you have bereaved me of my children. Joseph is no more, and Simeon is no more, and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me.

He's despairing. He's hopeless. He's accusatory. And the brothers don't know what to do. You know, Reuben is the oldest, so he would have been the one kind of expected to step forward and say something. What he says is just barbaric and foolish. He says,

kill my two sons if I don't bring Benjamin back to you.

You know, as if Jacob killing his grandkids would be a consolation. And then he says, you know,

put him in my hands and I will bring him back.

This is vain self-reliance and pride. What kind of encouragement is that? So Jacob says,

my son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead and he is the only one left.

As if the rest of you mean nothing to me.

If harm should happen to him on the journey, you would bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol.

Do you see how it ends on this despairing, hopeless, solutionless note? And I think that's the point. God has placed the brothers in a situation where they have absolutely no solution and no way out. Nothing they can do can undo the sin that they committed. Nothing they do can escape the predicament they're now in. Their backs are against the wall. They have no integrity to plead or rely on. They have no solution in themselves. They can't even reassure their father to hope in God because they themselves aren't right with God. They're aware of their own sin against them. God has driven them from regret to guilt to fear. To the very brink of despair. And yet all of this is so that in the end they might come to the end of themselves so that they might cast themselves the feet of the God they fear in reliance on his mercy. So that they might be led to repentance and be transformed from envy and hatred to gratitude and love. And in the time that we have left this morning, I want us to consider three points of application for us. And the first is this, where your conscience is numb, seek conviction. Because as painful as what Joseph's brothers go through here is, this is what every sinner needs. We should hope that God would be so kind as to deal with us this way now. instead of later. I mean, think for a moment about some reasons why a numb conscience is so dangerous. First, a numb conscience makes repentance impossible. You can't grieve over, you can't hate, you can't turn away from sin that you feel no conviction about. You're just doomed to remain in it. It's like setting off on the journey of life with no compass. You can be going the exact wrong way and never know to turn around. It's like falling asleep in a burning building. A numb conscience is like a dead fire alarm that doesn't go off even when it's too late. You see, if we do not repent, we can't be saved. There is no forgiveness without repentance. Only eternity in hell. Only the excruciating agony of wishing we'd listened, wishing we had turned when there was still time. Second, a numb conscience will not stay numb forever. Romans 3 says that on judgment day, every mouth will be stopped and all the world will become guilty before God. And part of what that means is that our consciences will come alive again. No longer will sinners be able to excuse their sin, not to God and not even to themselves. God will make us see our sin for what it is. And they will have to face His blazing holiness and glory. In fact, I think this is part of what it means to bear the wrath of God. To bear God's wrath is to stand before His hot displeasure. And to do so while feeling your own sin and corruption burning in your soul. I mean, if Joseph's brothers would have shuddered to stand before Jacob, with their sin revealed, I mean, how much worse will it be for those who stand that way before God? Third, consider that a numb conscience knows no restraint. You know, my grandfather had a condition where his feet went numb. One day he was out weeding. by the street in front of his house. And as he sat on the curb, he rested his heels out on the street. And because he couldn't feel, he didn't realize that the asphalt was burning his skin. And so in the end, he had these horrible burns that took months and months to heal all because he couldn't feel the pain. You see, we normally don't think of pain as a good thing, but it's actually a wonderful protection. And spiritually speaking, that's what our conscience is there for. It protects us from running headlong into evil. But if we have a numb conscience, we lack that restraint. I mean, you can just store up more and more of the judgment of God. You can do more and more harm to those around you. You can be like Joseph's brothers who allowed envy and hate to escalate to the point of selling him as a slave, all the while oblivious to how wretched they truly become. And so if you're here today realizing that your conscience is numb, pray for conviction. Pray that God would deal with you the way he dealt with these brothers. And if God is beginning to stir in you that sense of regret, guilt, fear, even despairing in yourself, don't resist that. Don't listen to those who would say, oh, oh, just forget about it. Don't worry, you're not really too bad. Don't allow yourself to slide back into indifference. Don't look to pacify your conscience with excuses. and band-aids, but allow yourself to be driven to the point that you realize and you know that you need a Savior. Come to the very end of yourself so that you may come to Christ. And then even for those of us who already are believers, consider if there are any areas where your conscience has been growing numb. And perhaps there are things that used to convict you, but just don't bother you anymore. Maybe there's things you know that God's word condemns, but you just do them without feeling any guilt. I mean, maybe you've grown comfortable fibbing, gossiping, manipulating. Maybe you're justifying watching things or doing things you ought not. Maybe your priorities are totally out of whack, but you've been suppressing that voice that says, this is not right. This does not please Christ. And as you suppress that, that voice has gotten quieter and quieter. Well friends, may God awaken our consciences like he did for Joseph's brothers. May we stop comparing ourselves to other people and start comparing ourselves to Christ. May we stop excusing our sin and start taking responsibility for it. May we stop letting our consciences be shaped by the world and start letting them be shaped by God's word. And may we spend more time meditating on God himself, his character, his greatness, his worthiness, his law. And wherever your conscience is numb, seek conviction. Second point of application, where your conscience is guilty, repent and look to Christ. You see, the wonderful news is that when we find ourselves like Joseph's brothers, right, and all the agony of the guilt that comes with that, there is a way out. You know, sometimes it will feel hopeless, right, no matter what I do. We feel trapped forever. Other times, we feel like maybe there's a different solution. Maybe I can make up for this. Maybe I can fix it. But the reality is there is always and only one solution for sin. Repent and look to Christ. And you see that's the most radical thing you can do. Because to repent is to confess that you are guilty and wrong and inexcusably so. And then to just throw yourself down before the God you've sinned against. I mean, it requires overcoming every instinct of self-protection in your soul. It's like playing dead before a raging bear. The repentant person makes no defense, has no excuse, but only beats his breast and says,

God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

And that's why God has to haunt Joseph's brothers and terrify them so. It's not until you are driven to the very brink of despair that you truly repent. But repentance has another side as well. Because true repentance eyes not just the justice of God, but his mercy and his grace. See, the other side of the coin of repentance is faith in Christ. We repent because we see that the God who is altogether against us in our sin is at the same time altogether for us in Christ. We repent because we realize that even though we have no atonement to offer for ourselves, God has provided atonement through Christ. Here again the words of Hebrews 9, which Brian read earlier in the service.

But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have now come, Then, through the greater and more perfect tent, not made with hands, that is not of this creation, he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves, but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God.

In other words, Christ's blood cleanses our guilty consciences from dead works, or works of death, works that we know merit only God's wrath and condemnation, so that we might now serve the Lord. so that we might now serve God with confidence, so that we might now approach God with joy, so that we might live without fear because we have a clear conscience. Our conscience is cleansed because Jesus has secured an eternal redemption. He entered the holy of holies, not here on earth, but in heaven. He has gone before us as our great high priest of the good things which have now come. He entered not with the blood of bulls and goats, but with his own precious blood. And with that same blood, he purifies our consciences. This means our sin is atoned for. Our guilt has been taken away. It means we don't have to hide our sin. We don't have to fear our sin. We don't have to run from our sin. We can freely confess that we have sinned and we can do nothing to repair or fix it. And yet Jesus's blood atones for it. God, in his great grace, says you are forgiven. Your sins are taken away. I have forgiven and restored all I have made full and eternal redemption. And whether that is for the first time. Or the 5000th time. Where your conscience is guilty today. Repent. And look to Christ. receive and be reminded of the cleansing that he offers. He's our great high priest. And that brings us thirdly and finally to if your conscience is clear, protect it. If your conscience is clear, protect it. You see, as clearly as Genesis chapter 42 paints a picture of the agony of living with a guilty conscience, And simultaneously, he points us to the blessing of having a clear one. You know, if a guilty conscience adds regret to your memories, blame to your trials, fear to your blessings, and drives you to the brink of despair, well, then a clear conscience is like a soothing ally in every situation. As I said before, Joseph probably slept better in prison than his family did at home. How much better it is to be in prison because you refuse to sleep with Potiphar's wife than it is to have some extra money having sold your brother as a slave. And so if God has given you a clear conscience through Christ, cherish that. Praise God for this amazing gift. Never forget what it was like to be weighed down by guilt and trembling in fear. and sing hallelujah to the lamb who has taken your sin and your guilt away. And then brothers and sisters, let us protect this gift. Let us be mindful that nothing is worth trading away a clear conscience for. Listen for a moment to just some of the passages in the New Testament where Paul talks about his conscience and the importance of protecting our consciences. In Acts 24, Paul tells Felix,

So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man.

2 Corinthians 1, he says,

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity.

1 Timothy 1, he says,

the aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

1 Timothy 3, while listing the qualifications for deacons, he says,

they must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.

Romans 13, he's talking about being subject to governing authorities, and he says,

do this not only to avoid wrath, but also for the sake of conscience.

1 Corinthians 8, Paul warns against emboldening other believers to violate their consciences because

by sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.

And in 1 Timothy 1, Paul says to Timothy,

I charge you to wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith.

A good conscience is something we should take pains to preserve. It's something we should strive to be able to even boast that we possess. It's right at the heart of the aim of Paul's apostolic charge and part of what the gospel is meant to provide for us. It's something we should cling to, knowing that by rejecting it, some have made shipwreck of their faith. So again, if your conscience is clear, protect it. Don't allow it to grow hard and calloused by ignoring it, but let it be sensitive and tender. Now, I also want to say a word to those who are here today whose consciences might be too sensitive, too tender. Perhaps you feel guilty for things that other Christians just don't seem to understand. And perhaps even the slightest sin or failure just immediately casts these dark clouds of doubt and despair over your soul. And you're thinking, well, I must not be saved at all. You need to realize that your conscience is an important guide, but it is not inerrant or infallible. Only God's Word is. And God's Word says that if you are hoping in Christ, God is for you. You know, look back at what Jacob says in verse 36. All this has come against me. No, it hadn't. Joseph was alive. Simeon was alive. All of this was actually being worked by God for him. In verse 28, the brothers tremble in fear and say, what is this that God has done to us? They're convinced it's God's purpose to punish us, to destroy us. No, it wasn't. God was working to save their lives from a famine, to reconcile them to their brother, for at least some of them to bring them to salvation and to himself. You see, friends, we need to let God's Word inform us. Listen to what God's Word says in Hebrews chapter 10, verse 22 and following.

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful, and let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

" Brothers and sisters, that is what we are gathered for this morning, to stir one another up to love and good works, and to corporately draw near to God in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Friends, may your conscience, if it is convicting you, may it lead you, yes, to repent of sin, but also to look to Christ and know that you can draw near to God, having your evil conscience washed clean, that you can draw near to God in full assurance of faith. And that even though our conscience may become defiled again and again, our justification before God never does. Even though our conscience at times will be shaky and doubtful, the declaration of God is sure. We can hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, knowing that God is faithful. We can take all of our guilt and shame to the foot of the cross and know that the blood of Christ washes it away. And then, with clean consciences, and hearts, true hearts and full assurance of faith, we can live our lives for the glory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So seek a clear conscience today through Christ. If your conscience is numb, seek conviction. If it's guilty, repent and look to Christ. And if it's clear, praise God for his amazing grace and draw near to him in assurance of faith. Amen. Let's pray. Father, we thank you so much for this time that you've given us to consider the reality of our sin and also the richness of your grace. Father, thank you that you invite us to come to Jesus, to come to him with our sin and our guilt. We pray that you would give us grace to do so. That you would help us to believe the promises of your word. That we would neither excuse and be numb to our sin, nor would we think that it is more than your grace can forgive. So we ask this for our good and for your glory. In Jesus' name, amen.