Harshness - Proverbs 15:1

the heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

If we are rash and quick to answer, especially in the face of another's anger, we are so likely to be harsh because that is our sin nature. We must, however, make every effort to answer softly, which will turn away wrath, and to answer softly requires pondering how to answer, as opposed to being rash. Another major contributor to harshness is pride. Many have rightly observed that pride is the precursor to all sins. This is no less true with harshness. When we are harsh, it is because we have decided that we are right and the other is wrong. so much so that he or she needs to be corrected and that we will do so without a hint of humility or compassion or mercy or empathy. I'd like to share a real example of a recent time that I was harsh towards my wife, which illustrates this point. Jasmine's parents were coming to town for a weekend and they are unbelievers, as many of you know. So I assumed that there could be confusion or even conflict that Sunday if we weren't clear from the beginning that we are going to attend church, our church gathering that is, with or without them, despite the limited time that we had together. So I made it up in my mind and I decided right then and there that to demonstrate that this was our commitment and our priority, we would go to church and there would be no discussion about it. When I brought it up with Jasmine, that was exactly how I framed it. I said, we're going to church that Sunday, no matter what. And she immediately became upset. Not so much at my words, but at my tone. I didn't even give her a chance to respond. I didn't hear her out. I just harshly doubled down on my decision. And I thought here that I was being a strong spiritual leader. But really, I was being prideful and I was not being open to the wisdom and perspective that my wife possesses. My point is not that going to church was the wrong call, it's that my harshness toward her only stirred up anger and caused division between us. Colossians 3.18 reads,

husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

It took her rightly identifying my sinful, harsh approach and then forgiving me when I apologized before we were able to discuss the matter together, which renewed my opportunity to then gently, softly lead her toward what I did believe was the most God-fearing choice for us. And we did actually agree. But my harsh words had inhibited my cause, and my words achieved nothing until they were spoken softly. The third cause of our harshness can be a sinful intention. Again, a harsh word is a word of pain. And this may not only be a word that causes pain, but even a word that was intended to cause pain. Harsh words often come from a place that is defensive, if not bitter, if not vengeful. And this intention is significant. In the world today, you'll often hear that intent doesn't matter, only impact matters. But that is not true, according to God's word. Again,

what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.

Our heart posture matters immensely to our Lord. So when we speak a word to another, even if it is a word of correction, we must heed this warning not to be harsh. This point about intention clarifies the difference between being harsh and being stern. In defense of God's truth, for example, we often do need to be stern in order to communicate the seriousness, the implications, and even the urgency of what we're saying. To that point, being harsh is not immediately congruent or simultaneous with being strong and bold and even in your face. The Lord in Revelation is described several times as having a sharp sword coming out of his mouth. Think about Jesus in the temple driving out the money changers, or think about Paul's confrontation of Peter's hypocrisy in Galatians, where he opposed him to his face. Think about Paul's letter to Titus, where he instructs him to rebuke sharply the empty talkers and deceivers. But even then, what is the reason that Paul gives Titus for rebuking sharply? The text in Titus reads,

rebuke them sharply that they may be sound in the faith.

So we see here, again, the importance of intention. When we think about our words, we want to ask, what is our cause? What are we trying to achieve with our words? A few lines down from tonight's verse, we get some help. Proverbs 15 verse four reads,

a gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

We should want our words to be a tree of life to those who hear them. What better blessing can we be to those around us than a tree of life? The tree of life is what God gave Adam and Eve in the garden to eat of and be sustained by before the fall. And the tree of life in Revelation typifies Christ himself. We shouldn't skim over how meaningful it is that our own tongue, if kept gentle, can be a tree of life. However, if the intention is wrong, and there is perverseness embedded in an apparently gentle tongue, that can break the spirit. I'll remind you of the main point in tonight's text. Harsh words will inhibit our cause. Our words will achieve more when spoken softly. So moving into my second section, why is harshness a sin? Well, I've already described that it erupts from other sins in our hearts, including pride and rashness, but I'd like to use two other methods to demonstrate the sinfulness of harshness. First, harshness is inherently at odds with the fruits of the Spirit. With enough effort, one could demonstrate harshness as contrary to every fruit of the Spirit, listed in Galatians 5, but there are five of the fruits that really stick out to me. The five fruits of the spirit that I see harshness directly opposing are peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and love. Harshness is not peaceful. According to our text today, Proverbs 15.1, it stirs up anger. Harshness is not patient. It comes from a place of quick and rash response. Harshness is not kind, for it seeks to inflict pain. Harshness is not gentle, it is rough and inflammatory. And finally, harshness, of course, is not loving. According to Peter, love should cover a multitude of sins, not exasperate them and stir them up. Another effective way to understand why harshness is a sin is to see how contrary it is to the character of our perfectly righteous Lord Jesus in his life on earth and specifically in his unjust trial under Pontius Pilate. Let me read from John chapter 18 to illustrate, and I'll give you a second just because it'll be five verses if you'd like to turn to that on page 904. This is John chapter 18 beginning in verse 33.

So Pilate entered his headquarters again and called to Jesus and said to him, are you the king of the Jews? Jesus answered, do you say this of your own accord or did others say it to you about me? Pilate answered, am I a Jew? Your own nation and the chief priests have delivered you over to me. What have you done? And Jesus answered, my kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting that I might not be delivered over to the Jews, but my kingdom is not from this world. Then Pilate said to him, so you are a king. Jesus answered, you say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born, and for this purpose I have come into the world to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice. And Pilate said to him, what is truth?

See here how Jesus, with three soft answers, turns away the wrath of Pilate, even to the point that Pilate asks him an extremely vulnerable question, what is truth? And then Pilate goes outside and announces actually that he finds no guilt in Jesus. Clearly, the Lord was able to disarm Pilate, not by being harsh and trying to put Pilate in his place, which he very well could have done, but by being gentle and answering softly. So let me say the main point one last time. Harsh words will inhibit our cause. Our words will achieve more when spoken softly. Our cause may be to diffuse a situation or to stand up for truth. In light of Jesus' example just described, we can be reminded that one of our chief causes as Christians is to imitate and express Christ to our neighbor. John writes,

whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

We are Christ's ambassadors, and if we are harsh, we will be unlike him, and such a cause will be obstructed. Our words will achieve more in the advancement of God's kingdom if spoken softly. We've seen that what makes us harsh, namely the sins of pride, rashness, and evil intention, and we've seen why harshness is sinful, being contrary to the fruits of the Spirit and the character of our Lord. Now, by way of application, let me suggest three things. First, ask yourself each day, especially in the context of heated conversations, are my words soft and gracious, turning away wrath? Underneath this, you might also ask yourself, what is the cause I hope to achieve with my words? And is it being inhibited by harshness? Secondly, pray earnestly that you may be changed from the inside by God's hand. What defiles a man comes from within. We need our hearts of stone to be replaced by hearts of flesh, that our speech might be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that we may know how to answer each person, and that our tongue might be a tree of life to those around us. Lastly, to conclude, I see it fit to remind you, brothers and sisters, that the most important way to be free from such sin The Lord Jesus, the God-man, has already lived a perfect, righteous, sinless life. His death on the cross and resurrection from the grave paid the penalty of our sin and made a way that we can be sanctified from it. As Pastor Keith taught the brothers this weekend, only God can be the true source of godliness. Salvation begins with Jesus, ends with Jesus, and Jesus is the means in the middle. To be free from sin, we must first know God's forgiveness and grace. Sanctification is simply living out what God has already achieved in us through the work of his son applied by his spirit. If you're not a Christian and you're at all compelled by this man, Jesus, and his holy sacrifice, I implore you to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead that you may be saved. I'll end with a verse from 1 John chapter 3.

And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he has commanded us.

Part of what it means to love one another is responding to those who approaches in anger, without harsh words, but with soft answers that turn away wrath. saturated with humility, compassion, empathy, and mercy so that we can promote peace. And please join me as I pray. Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for your word that is so complete and that has been preserved for us to know you even now. Lord, we pray that it would convict our hearts and that we would learn to be soft in our answers towards those who may be angry or wrathful. And Lord, we pray that you would forgive us of our sins already committed in this way and that we would come to know your grace and be sanctified by the work of your son and the precious blood that has already been spilled. We pray all these things in Jesus' name, amen.