God and Marriage

marriage, not historically a controversial subject, but in the last 50 or so years, the sexual revolution in our country has transformed the way that we understand ourselves as individuals and therefore how we see them at the institution of marriage. No change captures that more clearly than last year's Supreme Court ruling to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act from 1996 and to recognize or allow so-called same-sex marriage in this country. The irony is that while we as a culture have worked to improve or modernize the institution, we've watched it just crumble and wither before our eyes. You study divorce rates, cohabitation rates, out of wedlock birth rates, all of those kind of statistics affirm that whatever we're trying to do is not working. And brothers and sisters, even within the church, you look at the rates among those things of people who consider themselves Christians, the numbers are alarming. And so as we approach the subject of marriage today, we need to do so soberly. Marriage is a gospel issue. The Bible is clear that marriage is the covenantal union between one man and one woman. It's a sign that God gives to point to the relationship between Christ and his church. And so this is not optional this morning. This isn't tangential this morning. We must get marriage right. Or else we lie about the very gospel that is at the heart of who we are as Christians and as a church. Now, by God's grace, we have his word which guides us in all truth. And so we see that in God's providence this morning, he has brought us in our study in first Peter to the subject of marriage. And as Peter is addressing the churches, He's helping them to work out the implications of their new identity as the people of God in the world, how they can display God's glory, how they can do so within the existing social structures of their day. And so we've been looking at that for several weeks over time, we've seen how that applies to government authorities, how our responsibility is to be good citizens of the kingdom and submit to our authorities. Last week, we looked at how it applied to the vocational life and how Christian slaves and therefore employees are to suffer injustice following the footsteps of Christ, entrusting everything to God. And so this morning we've come to the subject of marriage. Now, I'm going to make some some introductory comments before we actually get into the text. The first thing is just to frame our discussion in the Bible so that we understand the foundation from which the authors and Peter this morning address marriage. So we see in Genesis one and two, we heard Chip read from Genesis two this morning that God created men and women both in his image, equal in value and essence. And yet he gave them separate roles. He created Adam first and he gave them gave him a certain responsibility and then he gave him Eve. He gave him woman as his helper. And they were to come together in marriage as one flesh being united in every way. They both together had the responsibility to rule and subdue and fill the earth. Adam had a unique responsibility to lead and provide for and protect his wife. And so together there in the garden, as we read, they experienced perfect communion with God and each other as perfect as stewards of the perfect earth to do anything they wanted, really, except for eat of the one tree. They had it pretty good, in my opinion. But that didn't last long. Adam and Eve were tempted by the serpent, they doubted God's goodness, they disobeyed his command, they rejected his authority over them and went their own way. And so in the first sin, Eve eats the forbidden fruit. She gives them to Adam, who also eats. And as a result, their relationship with God and one another and the creation is broken. When God comes to them to address them in Genesis three, we see that even when he does, their God given role still exists. He comes to Adam first, who then shifts the blame to Eve, who then shifts the blame to the serpent. And as God judges them for their sin, even still their roles are upheld. So Adam still has the responsibility to lead and provide for his family. But no longer is it just picking the fruit that grows naturally in the garden. Now it's work and toil and farming the earth for his bread. We see that Eve still has a unique responsibility as it relates to her children. But now it's her pain in childbearing is multiplied. And Adam and Eve's relationship with one another is also fractured. And so instead of loving, sacrificial leadership and humble submission, we see sin. So man is bigger and stronger and he can use his brute strength to dominate or oppress his wife. The woman is beautiful and she will use her sexuality and appeal to manipulate her husband. And on the other end, we see that man will completely abdicate his responsibility to lead his wife and he will be passive like Adam standing there watching Eve eat from the forbidden fruit. And women struggle with anxiety and forsake the trust and the security of their relationship with their husband and frantically try to control their lives, their marriages. And so those four issues continue to characterize male and female relationships throughout the Bible and today. So as we get into God's word and see how he instructs us to live in this condition in light of our new identity as Christians, as people in Christ. So let me say a few more things just to set the stage. First, we're going to see that Peter is addressing minority groups. Right. Only half of you or so, by definition, can even be wives. You have to be a woman to be a wife. Only half of you, by definition, could be husbands. Many of you here this morning are not married. But let me say this text applies to you, too. First, if you're not married, most of you at one point will be. And so what better time than now to start or continue thinking about what it might mean for you to be a husband or a wife or what you might look for in a husband or a wife? Also, in the context of the church, you know a lot of people who are married, you have covenanted to live together with a lot of people who are married. And so in your desire to encourage and pray for them, it's useful for you to know how you can do so in this very practical and central role in their lives. And particularly in Titus 2, we see the command for older women to teach younger women how to love their husbands. And so by implication, we have this should be happening in the church where those of you who are seasoned in this role can come alongside those of us who are not. A lot of what we will talk about this morning, even though it's directed at marriage, will apply to other relationships, so you should be able to take something away. And I want to make one more remark regarding the marriage itself before we get into First Peter. Marriage is central to our lives. For those of us who are married, it is the merging of two into one in every sense. And so it affects us deeply and personally. It really changes who we are. If our marriage is strong, then we proceed into life with strength. It doesn't matter what's going on in work or in any other sphere of life. If our marriage is strong, we have a rock solid foundation that allows us to endure life's storms. But if our marriage is weak, Then it doesn't really matter what else is happening. It doesn't matter how good things are at work. It doesn't matter how good things are in the rest of life. There is a crack in the foundation and it will eventually show itself disastrous. Marriage is hard. It's hard. Marriage is good, but marriage is hard. God gave us marriage. We saw in Genesis two for procreation, partnership, pleasure, and those things still carry over after the fall. But because of sin, we also see that marriage is given to us for protection and for sanctification. There is no other relationship in your life like marriage. And so there are certain sins that come out in marriage that don't come out anywhere else in life. And so it's not a surprise to say, I don't I don't have these issues with anybody else, but I have them with my spouse. That's that's the point. That's why God gives us marriage. It exposes our sin and leads us into greater dependence upon Christ for sanctification, but it does make things hard. Now, as the biblical authors address marriage, they uphold the covenant nature of the institution. So marriage is not a contract where we enter in agree to terms with with each other. And then if one party fails to uphold his or her end of the bargain, then the other is free to walk away. No, marriage is a covenant. We make our promises before one another and witnesses to God. And so they are not conditional on the behavior or performance of our spouse. When the authors speak about marriage, they address husbands and wives separately. So it works like a diet. Right, you can you can eat from one food group and you can survive on that for a long time. And so in marriage, one partner may do what he's supposed to do or she is supposed to do apart from the other, and it can survive for a long time. But for marriage to be the beautiful, glorious picture is supposed to be just like a balanced diet requires all the food groups. So in a marriage, both parties have to do their part for it to be what it's supposed to be. But that never gives you as a spouse the right to blame your spouse for your own failure to live up to what God calls you to do. So lots of build up as we get into the text now. Let me encourage you this morning to listen. To hear what God expects of you as a husband or a wife, to pay attention to the call and to the application to your own situation in life, and when I address your spouse, listen. Use the principles that I give to pray for your spouse, but resist the temptation to elbow your spouse when you think he or she is that I'm saying something he or she needs to hear. Let's let God do his work through the Holy Spirit and his word in your spouse's life and let you focus on your relationship with God this morning. All right, First Peter three, one through seven, page 1015 in your few Bibles, if you don't have a Bible, make that our gift to you and read it. Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. We'll just look at this in two halves this morning. Wives first and then husbands, three points under each one. So we will start with the wives. Wives, be subject to your husbands. Just as all of us are called to submit to the government and as slaves are called to submit to their masters, so wives are called to submit to their husbands. That's not all women to all men. This is a unique relationship given to a wife, to her particular husband. Wives, your responsibility is to voluntarily yield yourself to your husband's unique God-given responsibility to lead the family. Your attitude is to be happy for his initiative, to be thankful for where he takes responsibility, a disposition of yes, an inclination to say yes. to his leadership in everything. And we're talking about your posture. We're not talking about how good of a leader he is. We will deal with him shortly. Your job is to follow him and to affirm his leadership. Remember, this is coming on the heels of this amazing call that Peter gave to slaves to endure suffering injustice to follow in the footsteps of Christ, entrusting everything to God. And so that's the call to wives, is to follow the footsteps of Christ by yielding themselves, submitting themselves to their husbands. So three ways that wives are to do this. First, with your words. Submit to your husband with your words. Peter says, be subject to your own husband so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see respectful and pure conduct. So what Peter has in view here primarily first is husbands who are not Christians, they don't obey the word and the word is the gospel. The word is the gospel we heard at the end of chapter one. This is the good news that God sent his son to rescue us from our sinful rebellion against him. He sent him as the sacrifice for sinners so that he lived the life that we owed to God. He died the death that we deserve for our sin. He was raised so that everyone who is united with him by faith could be raised with him, could experience new life now and eternal life in the age to come. He came to make us God's people and he calls us to repent of our sins and to trust in him. And at some point, about 2000 years ago, that gospel message came to a woman. She was going about her life and she heard a sermon where a friend came to her and shared the gospel with her. And she heard for the first time in her life, maybe that God loves her. That in his mercy, he offers forgiveness and reconciliation and life through Jesus. And that woman believed. So so here she is now, a new a new Christian wife. And what does she want to do? She wants her husband to hear about this. She wants him to believe. She wants him to come to the same joy, the same life that she's discovered. So she tells him about Jesus or maybe they heard the message together. But when she tells him or when they heard the message, whatever it was, she believed and he didn't. He rejected the message. He says that it's crazy or it's foolish or whatever. He doesn't believe he doesn't obey. So what is this is this Christian wife to do? Peter says that she should submit to him, she should submit to her husband and she should win him without a word. So just as the Christian slaves endure unjust sufferings from their cruel masters, so Christian wives are called to submit even to their nonbelieving husbands. This this wife has a good and right desire to win her husband. And Peter affirms that desire. He's not taking anything away from that desire that she has, but he's saying how she should do it without a word. Now, let's let's be clear as we approach this this morning, what Peter is not saying is that you preach the gospel with your life and not by your words. So he's not talking about some kind of lifestyle evangelism that's that's devoid of any content. The gospel is a message that must be spoken. But what I think Peter is talking about is once the gospel has been spoken, once this couple has had the conversations, they've talked about the implications of the gospel, the husband understands the claims that are being made, he understands the message of the gospel, but he's still rejecting it, then the wife is to let her actions do the talking. And I think that principle probably applies to all of us in our evangelism. There comes a point when we've said everything that we can say. There's no more conversation to be had. The claims of the gospel are clear and someone just continues to reject them. And there's no point in continuing to argue with that person. We just stop and love him or her. Now, that's again, after we have labored to make sure that they understand the truth. But once they understand it and reject it, that's where it may be wise for us to stop talking and start living and loving the person and praying for them as we entrust them to God. So back to the wife. Back to the wife. This goes against her natural instinct, doesn't it? Her natural instinct, what she wants to do is talk about it. And talk about it and talk about it, right? That's what she wants to do. But what Peter calls her to do is stop talking and start submitting. It is her behavior and not her words that will ultimately win her husband. By her good and holy conduct, she can say more to her husband than her words alone, as he sees the beauty of a life transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. If this is what God commands of Christian women related to their non-Christian husbands, what would the principle be for Christian wives as they relate to their Christian husbands? Sisters, your words, a wife's words, carry tremendous weight for your husband. So the scriptures will include many warnings to women about how they use their words. We see in the New Testament warnings against slander and gossip, but the best place to go for instruction to wives about their words is the Proverbs. So listen to this 21 19 Proverbs 21 19. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. 21 9 It is better to live on the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 27 15 A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike. Are you a wife this morning who likes to argue? Do you worry constantly to your husband? Do you do you see in the Proverbs the effect that that has on your husband? In the house where the wife is constantly nagging or arguing or fretting to her husband, what you are doing to him is killing him. It's driving him away. Now, I want you to hear me this morning. This has nothing to do, zero to do with who is right and who is wrong. You very well may be right. But God, through Peter, is telling you this morning that it doesn't matter, and sometimes the best thing you can do to love your husband is to shut your mouth. Listen to Proverbs 14, one. The wisest of women builds her house. but folly with her own hands tears it down. God's word says you are a fool this morning. If you think that arguing and nagging and complaining and worrying to your husband is going to produce something good in your house, you are driving your husband away and you are tearing your own house down brick by brick, word by word. A lot of us have either been the victims of this personally or have witnessed it firsthand. A woman who bothers her husband with negative words kills his desire to lead. But consider the opposite. Consider the wife who knows the power of her tongue, who uses her words to build up her home. Proverbs 16, 24. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 12, 25, anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. The wise woman sees that her words can give health and sweetness and gladness to her husband and to her home, and so the godly wife does everything that she can in deed and in word to free and encourage and enable her husband to lead. Notice here and every time this is addressed in the Bible, it's the wife that is addressed first and not the husband. That seems a little bit counterintuitive to us because the husband is to lead and the wife is to follow. But the principle is that no man, not the best man, can lead a wife who will not follow. It's impossible. A husband cannot lead a wife who will not submit. So, ladies, what what kind of wife are you this morning? Are you a wise wife who uses her words to encourage her husband and to build up her home? Or are you a fool who drives your husband away and tears your home down? If your husband is a terrible leader, have you asked yourself if you have done everything you can to affirm and enable his leadership, or have you done everything you can to undermine it? Single ladies, what kind of a woman are you? Are you known for being mouthy? Have you had trouble in relationships or have you found that the godly guys just don't seem to be interested in you? Could it be that your speech is revealing something about your character? Second, wives submit with your beauty. Submit with your beauty. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. So Peter says that your adornment, your beauty should not be the external things like fancy hairstyles or clothes or jewelry. No, he's saying that these things, it's not that they're inherently bad. It just must not be the godly woman's emphasis. The godly woman's emphasis, her identity must not come from what's on the outside, but what's on the inside. See, this kind of beauty, the thing that he's talking about here reflects a sinful desire to be associated with the world, with wealth, given the amount of time and money it would take to look a certain way. It may also reflect promiscuity or independence from a husband. The godly wife must be characterized not by her outer appearance, but by the hidden person of the heart, a gentle and quiet spirit. Now, hear me, not a gentle and quiet voice or a gentle and quiet personality, although some of you may be afraid to speak after the last point. God has made women wonderfully diverse. Some are naturally shy and some are outgoing, some love to be in the spotlight, some hate it. It has nothing to do with with personality or voice. A outgoing woman could very well have a submissive heart and a quiet woman could very well have a rebellious heart. It doesn't have to do with those things. The gentle and quiet spirit refers to the internal posture as it relates to God. A gentle and quiet spirit is one that's not frantically searching after the approval of the world, but that takes its cues from God's values and God's desires. It is imperishable. It is not fading away like even the best made clothes and jewelry. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is not fretful, but calm. For some of you that you can breathe a sigh of relief. Peter is not trying to suppress your personality, at least not not here. But for some of you, this this part is worse. Some of you don't you don't struggle with tearing your home down with your words, but you struggle with anxiety and worry and fear. And it's not always about trivial things like fashion or your appearance or whatever. We are prone to worry about the things that matter most in life. Your health, your family's health, your family's spiritual state, your future. You can go on and on, but the problem comes up when you start to focus on those things. When you fear the potential outcomes, you hope for the best, but you prepare for the worst and you organize your life in such a way as to insulate yourself from all these things, from every perceived risk. You search out perfect health and perfect diet and perfect education and perfect home and perfect schedule and perfect budget and perfect car seat and on and on and on. That kind of anxiety that lives in fear, that lives to control those things is exactly what Peter is addressing here. You see, all of our anxiety, all of that worry betrays us. It shows that we have a lack of faith in God's sovereignty and his providence. Every act of worry is an act of disbelief. When we worry. It's an expression of our lack of confidence that God is good or that he's actually in control of this world. We act as if we know for certain what has to happen, but we don't trust that God is even either good enough or strong enough to make that happen. But that's that's foolish, friends, that is foolish at its core. For one, we don't know what has to happen. We don't know how things have to turn out, but God does. And the issues, the things in our lives that are most important to us yet are completely out of our control are firmly in God's hands. And so think about it. Back to our text, if anyone had something to worry about, it was a first century Christian woman married to a nonbelieving husband. And yet what Peter calls her to what Peter calls you to this morning is faith. And the basis for their faith for focusing on internal, gentle and quiet spirit rather than the external beauty, something that she could use as leverage for her husband must be your understanding that that is what is valuable to God. It is what is precious to him. And here's where we get right to the heart of the issue. The godly woman's main concern is not what the people around her think, not even what her husband thinks, but what God thinks. That's the thing that she's preoccupied with. That's the thing she's most concerned about. She knows that what matters to God is eternal and that the world's values and the world's praise are fading and fleeting. Her posture is one of humility before God as she relates to her husband. The godly woman lives conscious of God and his desires determine her desires, who she is in Christ before God determines who she is. And Peter's point is that whatever is on the inside will inevitably come out. And when when a woman values what God values, what comes out is beautiful. Confidence, encouragement, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Now, some of those things come to us naturally, but when by the Holy Spirit they come together as a unit, it is amazing. It is God created otherworldly beauty that nothing in this world compares with. I praise God for where we see that here in this church. Ladies, God has made you uniquely beautiful. Understand this morning that your physical beauty is a gift from God to your husband. Not to every guy that walks by, not to a boyfriend, it's to your husband. Don't conform to the cultural standards that want to reduce you to your dress size or what you look like in a bathing suit or how trendy your wardrobe is or how trendy your hairstyle is or how much jewelry you wear. Instead, live to commend the reality of God to the people in your lives, especially those close to you, especially to your husband. Your ultimate desire, ladies, must be to make God and not yourself attractive and desirable and valuable. Now, that doesn't mean that you don't take care of yourself, but it does mean that you demonstrate with all of your effort the beauty of a life lived to God. A life lived in the security of the knowledge of being loved by God and free from worry and free to sacrificially love and submit to your husband. Husbands, learn to value what God values. Learn to see it in your wife, to praise it when you see it, to desire it, to pray for it, to labor for it. All right, this has been a heavy sermon. We're going to do an exercise. Those of you who are married here this morning, face your spouse. You are now looking at your standard of beauty. Not anyone or anything else in this world Not the person that you're looking at and what that he or she looked like 20 years ago or 20 pounds ago, or for some of you, 20 children ago. What you are looking at right now is your standard of beauty. Brothers and sisters, stop comparing what you see to what you see around you in the world and start enjoying the good gift God has given you. Listen, this could be the best Sunday afternoon you've had in a long time. I'm just saying. Single folks. Find a couple who was just looking at each other, who looks like they've been married and are still happy for a long time. Ask them what qualities to look for in a spouse. I guarantee you it will look more like what's in the pages of this book than the pages of any magazine or on the screen that you see anywhere. Ladies, number three, submit with your actions. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. So what Peter tells us here is that what's happening here isn't anything new. This is rooted in what has been true of holy women from the creation of God's people. Christian women of Peter's time and ours should clothe themselves with humility, putting their hope in God, played out very practically in the lives of most women by submission to their husband in their daily lives. Peter highlights here Sarah, who is the wife of Abraham, who's the patriarch of God's people, who's the model of faith throughout the throughout the New Testament. And in Hebrews 11, we hear that Sarah's Sarah had the same faith that Abraham had by faith. Sarah herself received power to conceive even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful, who had promised. Therefore, from one man, Abraham, and him as good as dead, were born descendants as many as the stars of the heaven and as many as the innumerable grains of the sand by the seashore. Now, what's interesting about this text and the fact that Peter alludes to it is that what happens in that moment in Genesis 18 seems to be a lack of faith. So God is telling Abraham that he's going to give him a son through Sarah. And Sarah in the tent overhears this and she laughs and actually records her words. She says, after I am worn out and my Lord is old, shall I have pleasure? In other words, the pleasure of of having a child. When she heard the news, she was past the age. It struck her as unbelievable. And yet we know from the book of Hebrews that she received God's rebuke and that by faith she believed that nothing was too hard for God. And so Peter uses this example not to show the perfection of her faith, but to emphasize that even in that moment, even in just this mundane reference kind of passing verse in the Old Testament, it shows Sarah's heart and that even though Abraham was this old bag of bones, as it were, he was still Lord. He was still, sir. He was the authority placed by God in her life, and she received him as such in faith. So what this text illustrates is that respecting her husband, Even in this subtle, this kind of passing reference in the Old Testament was at the very core of Sarah's life. And Peter goes so far as to say that she obeyed Abraham. Submission is more than just being considerate of the other person. She followed his leadership. And so for the women of Peter's time and ours, you follow in the footsteps of Sarah by graciously following your husband's leadership. Do you need to call your husband Lord? Probably not. In fact, if you're here this morning and you have a husband who thinks you need to call him Lord, we probably need to talk after the service. But ladies, make sure that in your speech, in your attitude and in your actions, you respect your husband and you follow him as an authority placed in your life by God. This is especially true for our culture, where we are surrounded by this theology or this ideology that men are idiots. And it's so easy for that to poison the way that you think about and talk about your husband. Ladies, when out of faith you submit to God, you submit to your husband, you tone down your words, you adorn yourself with good works and a gentle and quiet spirit. You reveal your identity as a child of the promise. In verse six, he adds the condition, if you do not fear. It is a frightening thing to submit to a sinful man. And let's face it, all of us, even the best of us are sinful men. Much more than in submitting to a non-Christian husband, Christian women have a lot of things to be concerned about. Back in verse two, Peter says that an unbelieving husband will observe the respectful and pure conduct of his wife. And here again, as in chapter two, verses 17 and 18, I think the word respectful should actually be translated fear. This is fear not directed toward her husband, but toward God. And so the godly wife submission is not about her husband. It's not about her culture. It's not even about herself. It's ultimately about her relationship with and trust in God. Now, Imagine how radical this was in Peter's time. In this cultural context, women were thought of as intellectually inferior, emotionally unstable, religiously and relationally dependent upon their husbands. So Peter assumes that women have an amazing freedom. They have heard the gospel. They have determined for themselves to follow Christ, even though their husbands didn't. They've shown emotional and religious independence from him and from their cultural norms. And so what Peter's commending this morning is not mindlessness. It's not weakness. It is resolved rock solid faith. He upholds the cultural expectation of the day while radically transforming its substance and orientation. These women submit to their husbands because they fear God. And that's what you are called to do today, ladies. Your hope is in God and not in your man. Sometimes being a Christian will mean that your husband is not pleased with your choices. The woman of faith understands that her husband is not the ultimate one that she is to submit to. So this means you don't always just do whatever your husband says. A wife cannot fear God and follow her husband in sin. So even in and even in Christian marriages, there will be times when a wife doubts or isn't sure about her husband's leadership and his instincts, but the way she handles herself in that moment will reveal if she truly fears God. So she doesn't have the right to to dig in. You don't have the right to dig in your heels or to roll your eyes or to just ignore your husband and do your own thing. But I think you can sweetly affirm your husband's authority and suggest that you'd like to talk about something more because you don't have peace about it. You're having trouble being settled with it. Even Christian husbands, we are sinners. But we want our leadership to be a joy and not a burden, just like the leadership of Jesus Christ. And so I think there's a way as a wife that you can express your disagreement while affirming your husband's leadership. But at the end of the day, if it's not an issue of sin, You are to defer to your husband and follow him because you fear God, because you understand in that moment when you have been, you have made your opinion kindly, submissively heard, then it now is an issue between your husband and God. And so you entrust it to him. Ladies, your husband is going to fail you. Rather than despising him and rejecting him and making your household one of hostility, your call is to be subject to him, even being willing to endure unjust treatment because of your faith in Christ. Knowing that as you do so, you are accomplishing God's ways. Will you do that perfectly? Of course not. Of course not. But ladies, will you resolve to fight for faith every step along the way? If you do, then you prove yourself to be Sarah's daughter, a child of the promise. Your submissive posture will make your husband's leadership a joy and not a burden. A question for the brave among you to ask your husband this week. Is there anything about my character or my behavior that I need to work on? Is there anything that I do that drives you away from instead of toward God? Gentlemen. Brothers, it is our turn. Because it is such a fearful thing to submit to a sinful man, Peter breaks from his line of thoughts to address husbands. He doesn't do this for government officials. He doesn't do it for slave holders, but he does do it for husbands because marriage is going to affect most of the readers that he's writing to and it's going to affect most of the men in this room. So Peter calls husbands, let me read it again. Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. So the ESV translates it in an understanding way, but I think it's better understood just according to knowledge. We are to live with our wives according to knowledge, and this refers to the knowledge of God. Just as those who are in a position of submission are to do so in the fear of God. So, too, those who are in authority now are to remember that their authority is derived from God. It's given to God. It's modeled after God's authority and it's to be used as such. So the call upon husbands we see here is to honor our wives. So we'll consider three ways to do so. Number one, husbands honor your wives as weaker vessels. So we've already seen that Peter is not in line with the cultural Notion that women are weaker than men in every way. Women are not absolutely weaker than men. God created men and women in such a way that their strengths and weaknesses complement each other. What Peter is referring to here is one way that men are usually stronger than women, which is physically. And that's not supposed to be offensive. It's just the reality that if most husbands and wives are going to square off this morning, I'm going to put my money on the husband. That's just how it is. This warning goes all the way back to Genesis three, where one of the ways that the curse affects man is that he is tempted to use his brute strength, his superior strength to dominate his wife, to intimidate her, to coerce her. And Peter says that is never an option. Every bit of the strength God has given you as a husband is to be used in sacrificial service to and protection of your wife and never, ever to harm her. It is not your responsibility, man, or your right to make your wife submit to you. One of the most horrible acts of humanity is for a man to use his superior strength to harm a woman. Instead, the husband's strength is to be used to honor his wife by providing for her and protecting her in every way. In addition, we as husbands are going to be aware of our own wives' unique weaknesses. And our job is to treat them like fine China, never to exploit them, never to use them against her, to hurt her, but to see them as areas of tender care that need growth and encouragement and grace. Encourage her in those and pray for her in those areas. Brothers, study your wives. Labor to understand your wife. Don't presume or prejudge. Don't assume she's the same woman that she was on your wedding day or a year ago or even a month ago. The Spirit of God is at work in her just as it is in you. And so be keenly aware of his work in her life and affirm it, encourage it. Brothers, lead your wives by serving them, by leading them in reconciliation and repentance. So you, as brothers, as men, need to take primary responsibility when things have gone wrong, even if they aren't all your fault. So when you're in conflict, men, you search your heart. You identify the roots of sin that caused you to contribute to the situation that it's in, and you confess those to God. And then you go to your wife and you say these words to her. Dear love, babe, whatever you say, I am sorry. I stand against you by doing this, by saying this. I am convicted by that I have gone to God and ask for forgiveness. Now I ask you, will you forgive me? And so you leave your wife in the process of reconciliation and confession and repentance, and what you do in that moment is you then shift the problem to between her and God. So when you when there's been a problem and you've taken responsibility for your part, then you've left it for God to do his work in her heart. And brothers, when your wife comes to you to confess, stand ready and eager and happy to forgive. Honor your wives, men, as co-heirs of the grace of life. Though men and women have different roles, they will one day stand together before God side by side as prince and princess of his kingdom. Though they are different functionally, though we are different functionally, we are absolutely equal in essence, in nature and in value. It was not good for man to be alone. And so God created woman as his compliment. She completes him. She assists him in the task of ruling and subduing the earth. And they will go together into glory to do just that. Men and women share equally in the inheritance of eternal life. So however you're tempted to think about women this morning, don't think for a minute that your wife is in any way inferior before God. The call for the wife to submit to her husband means nothing when it comes to her value as a human being or as a Christian. We really like to talk about equality, but as Christians, the standard that we look to is not one of equality, it's one of inequality. We are called to outdo one another in showing honor, and that starts, brothers, with honoring our wives in everything. In other places, the Bible tells us that the husband is to love his wife as himself. Now, let's be honest. We don't love anybody like we love ourselves. And so what God would have us do is to take all of the effort that we pour into making ourselves comfortable and happy and give that to our wives, invest that in them. Men, your wife is to be regarded as an equal. So let me ask you this one. How do you talk to your wife? Do you talk to her like she's dumb or like she's an animal? Peter reminds us this morning to be gentle with our wives, to respect her with our words and actions, and even our mannerisms. And God help me, our tone, to treat her like a precious daughter of God. So men, how do you talk about your wives? When you get around the guys, is she a burden that weighs you down? Or is she your co-heir of the grace of life? This text also rules out every impulse we have to objectify women, to use them for what they offer us physically. Whether that's in a real relationship and wandering eyes or on the Internet or wherever else, we must put to death the sinful tendency that's in our hearts to treat women as if they exist for our pleasure. Brothers, they are all worthy of honor. Single ladies, You need to be with a man who has proven character and integrity. If you're in a dating relationship with a man who ever threatens or intimidates or bullies you, you get away from that guy. If he can't keep his hands off you, you get away from him. He's not a man. He is a coward and he is an enemy of God. Guys, if you are here and you're one of those, You don't have any business with one of God's daughters. You need to grow up, you need to grow up spiritually, you need to take responsibility for yourself, and then you can think about having a relationship with a daughter of God. And if you're one of those men this morning that's already married, then you better grow up fast and you better get help. You can come talk to me or one of the elders after the service. Honor your wives, men, because your prayer life is at stake, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Men, I am not sure there is a more frightening text in all of Scripture. It is so easy for us, brothers, to presume upon our families. It is so easy to press through a hard week or a stressful month or a difficult season in life, and all too often our wives are the ones who are the victims of our zeal, our ambition and sadly, even our leisure. And a lot of us have gracious and wonderful, patient, loving, forgiving wives who put up with a lot, but brothers don't assume for a second that God does. This text tells us that there are real spiritual consequences when we neglect our wives, your prayers will be hindered. God tells us that this issue is so important that he will at times interrupt his relationship with us when we fail to honor our wives. We see here a crucial link between the way that we live and how we are able to pray. Brothers, this should matter to us this morning. If this text doesn't scare you this morning, then you're in trouble. If this doesn't seem like a big deal, then you probably don't know God. You need to evaluate the kind of life that you're living. Men, what can you do in this life without the help of God? Nothing. Nothing. So if you care anything about your relationship with God, if you want to do anything for Him in this world, then make it your priority to get things right at home. Get things right with your wife. Get things right with your wife. Show her honor. This means, men, that we sacrifice everything for her good. This means that we may have to set aside career goals, certainly our hobbies and our interests for sake of service to her. And this is especially true for those of us who have kids, especially young kids. So, brothers, our me time needs to be she time. When we come home from work, we come home to serve. We don't clock out, we clock in. Our day off becomes her day off. Our me time, your personal time happens after everybody goes to bed and before everybody else gets up in the morning. But you better sleep because you're going to need it. What does it mean for you specifically to honor your wife? That is a question I cannot answer this morning because I'm not married to your wife. I'm married to Lindsay. I have a unique responsibility to honor her. But I will tell you this morning, I will leave you with the secret for knowing how to honor your wife. Ask her. Ask your wife how you can honor her. Is there anything I do that makes you feel dishonored, abused or neglected? What can I do to make you feel more honored in general? What can I do to make you feel honored this week? But listen, when you ask that question, close the computer, put the phone down, turn off the TV and listen to what she says and then do it. Ladies, submission is hard. I don't want to undermine that at all this morning. Submission is hard. But when you know that your husband is for you, when you see him sacrificing for your good, when you see him seeking to honor you in everything, don't you think you can submit to a man like that? I praise God, a lot of you already do. I'm thankful for that. Men, honor your wives as weaker vessels, as co-heirs of the grace of life so that your prayers are not hindered. Your loving, sacrificial leadership to your wife makes her submission a joy and not a burden. Church, what I have talked about this morning is unbearably difficult. Let me say now that if you have been convicted about something related to your marriage, We want to help. We want to help. But we cannot help you if you don't tell us what's going on. So if you're having trouble with your marriage, if you were convicted about something this morning, please come talk to an elder or somebody that you trust after the service and ask for help. None of us need to leave hopeless this morning. None of us need to leave hopeless because marriage is given to us not as an end, but as a sign, as a glorious picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his church. We looked at this last week in Peter, how Jesus bore our sins in his body on the cross. God's wrath against sin was exhausted in Christ for everyone who would repent and believe in him. That's the gospel call upon all of us this morning. For every failure to be the man or woman God has called us to be, for every act of mistreatment and harm to the men and women in our lives, every sin was laid upon Jesus. Every act of harm, every cruel word, every evil thought. It's all worthy of God's judgment. But it's all counted as forgiven and paid for in Christ for all of those who repent of their sins and believe in him. They receive forgiveness and righteousness before God. And so, brothers and sisters, our living together as husband and wife is not in any way an attempt to earn or to keep God's favor. Instead, it is a response of gratitude and humility for understanding the gospel. And so for those of you who are here this morning who are not married, I hope that you see that your life as a Christian is not in any way dependent on your finally getting married. You are to live your life in the situation God has called you in a response of gratitude and humility in the gospel. You see, married or single, our call this morning is to reflect our new identity as God's people. To please him, to proclaim him, to show that we fear him above all else. Our desire is to make his excellencies known in the world, to command the gospel through our good works. That's the call of first Peter. So may we live together this way for his glory. Let's pray. Our father in heaven, we come to you this morning asking for help. Lord, we confess that each one of us has failed We have failed as husbands and wives. We have failed to live up to the calling that you have placed upon us as your people. And Lord, we confess that even as we failed, we we can't do it or there is no way out for us. So, God, we pray that you would give us a fresh vision of the cross this morning. We pray that if anybody is here that doesn't know Jesus, that doesn't have the assurance of forgiveness, and rest in Christ, Lord, that they would come to see that above all else. We pray for those of us that have that assurance or that we would see it afresh, that we would see in the cross all the forgiveness, all of the hope that we need to get up and to take another step and to fight another day. We pray, Father, that you would give us a love for your glory. We pray that you would strengthen us to see how we can live in a way that reflects your glory to the world. We pray that you would convict us that how we live reflects what we think about you. And we pray that you would lead us again to grace. We pray, Father, that we would be concerned not about ourselves, but about your glory and how it's displayed in this world, and you would continue by your spirit to change us so that we more accurately, more beautifully reflect who you are. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.