Elder Testimony 2013

A good number of you were probably here last year about almost exactly a year ago when the last time I shared my testimony. And so this morning I'd like to try to emphasize some of the aspects of it that I didn't get to talk as much about last year. So the first thing I'd like to do is just try to characterize myself before I came to know Christ. And so if you can picture me as a high school student, I grew up here in Charlottesville, and I went to Charlottesville High School. Actually, in second grade, we moved into that house right across the street there, and my parents live there to this day. And if I were to characterize what I was like, you know, we were a family that went to church, but I was a doubter. I really didn't know if God existed or not. You know, I just wasn't sure about that. And I was even someone who was a bit bothered by the seeming blind faith of others that just believed and they couldn't prove it. But that bothered me. A second thing about me, I was a selfish person and I didn't know that at the time. My mom did. One of her favorite things to tell me when she was upset at me was, Ben, the world does not revolve around you. But in retrospect, I just can see now that I was not a person who was concerned about the needs of others. But my thoughts and the things I was doing, it was focused on me. When I would do something nice and helpful, it wasn't because I had a deep concern or love for other people but because I wanted them to like me. Third thing about myself, I was insecure. I cared greatly about what other people thought of me. I was afraid to be mocked or disliked or to look foolish or weak. One example of that I remember going to, I played AAU basketball and we went to the national tournament in New Orleans. And I was actually one of the worst players on the team. And so I didn't play a lot. But I remember sitting on the bench and just being, I didn't want to go into the game. I was afraid that the coach would say, Ben, go in. Because I had this fear of failure, a fear of messing up. And so I think that gives you a little glimpse of the insecurity that I felt. And then fourthly, I struggle with anger. Because of that insecurity rooted in pride, when I was wrong or when my weakness was shown, I responded with anger. And just one example, I remember one time, I don't remember what it was about, but I remember being either sent to my room or going up to my room really upset, and I noticed in the trash can there was like a four-foot fluorescent light bulb. And just in a fit of rage, I remember picking it up like a javelin and just throwing it down the stairs. And so just things like that, of just this anger and this rage, I battled with and that's what I was like. And so the next thing I'd like to tell you about is what God did. And in Romans chapter 12 verse 2 it says, do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And I think that verse well summarizes God's work in me that God transformed me by the renewing of my mind. He opened my eyes to see the truth and transformed me through it. And as I explain that, I hope that you'll see God's goodness and his wisdom. His goodness and his wisdom. So the story of this phase of my life really begins right after high school. So that summer, I went to Young Life Camp, and at that time, Intellectually, I had a pretty good grasp of what the gospel was. I knew that everyone, according to the Bible, everyone was a sinner. And the only way to go to heaven was through faith in Jesus Christ because he had to die to pay the penalty for our sins. But it was it was that week that I believe God first gave me the faith to actually start to trust in the gospel. to begin to overcome my doubt and have just enough faith to take that first step of obedience and to actually begin to live by the gospel. And, you know, just from that point on, I just see how with just every look, it was like God was just giving me the faith I needed for the next step. And then he was so good to just answer my doubts one by one. And one of the things that he used to really work in me, I started going to UVA that fall, and I went to a leadership training class, also through Young Life. And at that class, I really had my eyes opened to more of just what the gospel really was, to seeing that it wasn't just about how to get to heaven, to really appreciating the love of God, that the gospel is about the love that God has for us, that he would come to pay the penalty for our sins. And as I began to be more and more moved by that, I also began to see the glory of God's calling for us, that his purpose for us in life is to go and do likewise, it is to love others, even as Christ has first loved us. I saw the truth and the wisdom in that and began seeking to live that. And since that point, I really can say I have experienced the reality of what Jesus said, that he who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for Jesus' sake will find it. And just God has been so good in that whatever I have given in terms of time or energy or money or laying down my my pride or anything. God has been so good in responding to that and rewarding it, even though it doesn't deserve to be rewarded with with such blessing and just so much grace. And then finally, over that time, I really just through the word and through the class and through other believers, I really came to recognize the truth that that my number one my identity is in Christ that it does not matter what anyone else thinks of me because God loves me and that's all that counts. And secondly the truth that God is both sovereign and he's good and he is working every circumstance together for my good and therefore whatever happens I don't need to be angry about it. because God is using it for my good. And so I've just experienced great freedom from insecurity and anger. And so I just I praise God for his wisdom and sovereignly working all things together and just for the grace that he's shown me. And I pray that hearing my testimony has been a blessing to you. Let's get a Lord in prayer. Father, I thank you so much for my salvation. Father, I thank you for the salvation of every one of your sons and daughters who is here this morning. Lord, we marvel at your wisdom. We praise you for the riches of your grace. We praise you for the depth of the sacrifice that you made to redeem us from every lawless deed so that you might purify us to be your own special people. We pray now that you would bless our worship, Lord, that you would help us to praise you, Lord, in sincerity and truth, and that you would be glorified in this place this morning. Amen.